Absolute Blue Invitation 3/21/14 - 3/23/14

Absolute Blue’s Diversity

After we at Absolute Blue, again under court order, underwent Sensitivity Training, which we thought would address Skip’s ticklishness, and we looked up what misogyny means, which turns out to be something other than an optical affliction, it’s all starting to make sense. It’s opened up a whole new world for us. We’ve learned to respect the differences between us, no matter how revolting, and open up to each other. Turns out, Bill likes a good cucumber facial peel, Kevin is a licensed aromatherapist, Don’s on his third pedicure this week, Skip had some personal bleaching and Tom picked up Fried Green Tomatoes AND Steel Magnolias on ebay. As a result, we have dedicated a significant time and effort to develop a new line of greeting cards that we will present to a multi media conglomerate, just not Hallmark, who is still pissed at us for our caustic anniversary cards for remarried ex-wives, even though we remain confident that there is still a niche market for them. Be that as it may, our new offerings promise to be an even larger travesty. A sampling:

If you love a band, set it free. If it comes back to you get a restraining order.

Don't walk behind the band; they may not lead. Don't walk in front of the band; they may not follow. In fact don’t walk at all. Run. Quickly. And away.

The band is a many Splenda thing. Seems real at first, then leaves you empty with a bad aftertaste.

The band means never having to say you’re sorry. Or please. Or thank you.

The band will keep us together, like…never mind.

You had the band at ‘I’m calling the cops’.

The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love communicates in a meaningful way this Friday at Matt’s Casbah in downtown Melbourne from 6:30to 9:30…

Then we will be empathizing Saturday at The Old Fish House in Grant from 6 to 10…

We finish things up with some mutual respect of your thoughts and feelings Sunday at SBI from 1 to 5…