Absolute Blue Invitation 2/27/15 - 2/28/15v

Absolute Blue Awardables

We sat in awe of the pageantry and spectacle of yet another four hour academy awards ceremony and decided there must be some self-serving way to spread our own unique brand of hypocrisy. We therefore present to you The Abbies, an ill-conceived and poorly designed series of awards second to none in absurdity if not futility. These are designed to not just celebrate the individual, but the specific features that make them shine, or at least less dull. The statue itself features a purgative figure next to a corresponding pile of vomit, which is indicative of the response to the typical Absolute Blue performance. Made of high polymer resin and coated in asbestos, simply handling the figurine without a full body protective suit is extremely toxic. And receiving one of these gives the kind of satisfaction one can only get by owning an award featuring a random guy puking. So with painstaking research, questionable judgment and minimal funding we have come up with the following, surely to be repeated annually if not weekly:

-The Abbie for Best Cranial Covering goes to: Skip’s hat: Part Indiana Jones, part Hasidic Fundamentalist, it’s all kinds of North Carolina sensible.

-The Abbie for Best Non Reconstructive Facial Feature goes to: Bill’s mustache: Mostly for remaining in the same space the entire time. Wilford Brimley was unavailable for comment.

-The Abbie for Best Missing Apparel goes to: Tom’s sleeves: Last seen in 2001.

-The Abbie for Best Application of a Musical Instrument For Comedic Affect goes to: Kevin’s Maracas: No, not those, the round shaky things.

-Rounding out our annual awards, the Abbie for Best Supporting Roll: Duct Tape. King’s Hawaiian was unavailable for comment.

-Mister Congenitality once again goes to Don, for obvious reasons.

So anyways, it’s Matt’s Casbah in Downtown Melbourne Friday from 6:30 to 9:30…

Then down to Shady Oaks at the southwest corner of Babcock and Malabar in Palm Bay Saturday from 9 to 1…