Absolute Blue Invitation 4/03/15 - 4/04/15

Absolute Blue Concessions

After years of setbacks, false starts and bloodshed, we introduce to you the Absolute Blue Food Truck. What started with a simple cigarette lighter and a 7-11 burrito has now expanded to occupy most of the back seat of Billy’s pickup. We have worked with nutritionists, veterinarians and the occasional plumber to create a special menu that is sure to please or at least hospitalize. From recipes handed down from generation to generation, mostly with protective clothing, this is the first time that someone has dared to combine the sometimes volatile components into one cohesive dining experience. Prices vary on the availability of ingredients such as the amount and variety of roadkill. What could be better during an Absolute Blue performance than indulging in a meal prepared in a combination portable kitchen/meth lab. So don’t settle for an awful waffle, a terribole casserole or the Worstcestershire. Come sample our dinner menu, where we take the dullinary out of culinary:

-Dondue: Or more appropriately, Dondon’t. Heated in an effort to prevent congealing and to destroy most contaminates. Made from lard, with lard, cooked in lard with a lard garnish. Has the nutritional equivalent of potting soil. Proof of insurance required.

-Tom8Oh! Paste: Not so much a condiment as a construction compound, it can be used as spackling. Not to be taken for granted. Or internally, for that matter. Think of it as duct tape for your soul.

-Kevinchiladas: Handmade by Jose or Hose B, it’s sure to stick to your ribs. And many internal organs as well. Baked with arrogance, one way or the other you’ll have a hard time hanging on to this dish. Not for the faint hearted, literally as this substance has the highest known percent of transglutimized fat, which we most probably just invented.

-Billafel: A subterranean Mediterranean delight made with the dumbest of hummus. Mostly nontoxic, it’s easily the safest option on our value menu. Think of it as egg foo yung. Without the egg. Or the foo. And much older.

-Skipperdoodles: The lone confection in our value menu, known for its coma inducing caloric content and is chock full of rootin’ tootin’ gluten. Sure it’s still waiting for FDA approval, but so are corn dogs.

Coming soon: A selection of fine wines straight from the radiator…

Join us for the only public performance this week, Sunday afternoon at Millikens Reef at the Port from 2 to 7…