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Absolute Blue Invitation 4/10/15 - 4/11/15

 

Absolute Blue Liquidates

 

So another holiday has passed us by, making it a total of 5 mythological figures that have not made good on their promises of candy, presents or affordable health care. But if we are the good Republicans that Billy says we are, we will stop waiting for a government handout and get to work finding someone to sue. In the meantime we turn to the many riches promised to us by the internet, mostly in tens and twenties. And as we wait for Don’s kitten video to go viral, sure to bring us thousands from cat lovers and Don lovers, for Kevin’s cloud sourcing project, which should bring in donations from all types, from altocumulus to jackbenimbus, or for that former Ugandan prince rat bastard to come through, we search in desperation for another revenue stream to keep us in Old Milwaukee Light and Slim Jims. So we are left with no other choice than to place a few of our unwanted or unused items on eBay, like some sad global swap meet. Among our initial offerings:

 

-Skip’s drawl: Ever wanted to capture that lilting vocal resonance, along with the slow, deliberate North Carolina articulation that people find adorable? Me neither but still it makes a great stocking stuffer for that paroled uncle or reclusive aunt. Buy it now for $25.

-Don’s ‘Hair of the Dog’: Literally, a lock of the trumpet player’s hair, suitable for DNA testing or framing (buyer assumes all responsibilities for parasitic, psoriatic or ebolic implications of purchasing, handling or consuming this product). Eligible for expedited shipping.

-Billy’s Refreshing Candor: Not available in candor-free zones such as parts of Puerto Rico and Washington DC. Place your winning bid before midnight tonight and receive a free gift: Bill’s metronome, still in the box. Will consider trade for Bill O’Reilly collectibles. No returns.

-Kevin’s Punctuality: Actually missing since the late 1980’s and presumed really, really, really late. This hypothetical item comes with certificate of authenticity signed by all other members of the band. Minimum bid $20.

-Tom’s Sense of Humor: Rarely, if ever, used and staggeringly impractical. Bidding starts at $10. Shipping, handling and a kick in the ass included.

 

 

Join us Friday night from 7 to 11 at Squid Lips in Melbourne…

 

Then Saturday night, again from 7 to 11, it’s the Tiki Bar in Sebastian, just south of Main Street on Indian River Drive…

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