Absolute Blue Invitation 1/15/16 - 1/17/16

Absolute Blue Organizes

In a rare example of unity, the members of Absolute Blue have banded together to combat what they feel is oppressive behavior by management, citing a hostile work environment and forced consumption of vast quantities of lukewarm Old Milwaukee Lite. As a result, they have unanimously voted to organize against the tyranny of their repressive governing body. Now that they are fully vested they are looking to be dinner jacketed or at least cumberbunded. However, initial efforts to join the American Federation of Musicians union fell through as Tom, being a bass player, did not qualify. We then tried the International Brotherhood of Pallbearers, Panhandlers and Pawnbrokers who would not answer our texts, the United Association of Journeymen and Apprentices of Hobos, Vagrants and Itinerants Local 727, who have not responded to our group chat invitations and the National Guild of Smugglers, Pirates and Associated Services, who have blocked all subsequent emails. In a highly questionable decision, however, the Amalgamated Goat Milkers and Sheep Handlers Cooperative have agreed to take us under their banner and allowed us access to their bargaining table. Tom, being a member of both the band and management, will literally need to sit on both sides. It is a rare case where cloning himself back in ’83 has paid off. For illustrative purposes we will call him George Cloney. A list of demands follows:

-Since few holidays fall on a weekend, creation of new and imaginative holidays such as Groundchuck Day, where if the butcher sees his shadow there are 6 more weeks of meat specials, and the religious observance of Ram a Don, similar to Whack a Mole, where we get to repeatedly smack our trumpet player in the head.

-Company matching funds to enhance investments, so that for every dollar contributed to an exotic dancer’s garter, Tom will place a quarter.

-Increased number of sick days for all, which should be in place just as soon as Rene learns some more instruments.

-More frequent restroom breaks. That or an onstage trough. Depends.

-Institution of supplemental insurance. Unfortunately Aflac has a very high deducktable.

-Innovative and creative major medical plans, including organ sharing, where one can use another band member’s pancreas, gall bladder or spleen for the weekend.

Do not fear the weather as Friday promises mid 70’s for our return to the Tiki Bar in Sebastian, just south of Main Street on Indian River Drive from 7 to 11…

Similarly balmy conditions are expected Saturday for our Melbourne Squid Lips performance again from 7 to 11…