Absolute Blue Invitation 2/12/16 - 2/13/16

Absolute Blue Attires

We have worked long and hard on our newest entry into our wardrobe line, designed to enlighten and confuse the wearer. It promises to be more successful than earlier ventures such as the support for women afraid of lifting and separating, the No Fear Brassiere or the underwear for female botanists, the Crape Myrtle Girdle. This time we will not make the mistake of having the horn dogs model them. It's based on the most American of attire, already in high demand worldwide. Elegantly casual or casually elegant it’s the mainstay of any closet, dresser or armoire. After squandering millions of taxpayer dollars on fantasy football, online poker and action figure collectables, we are proud to bring you the Absolute Blue Jean. Prominently featured in this line:

-Stinking of cheap gin and stale perfume it's the Carouser Trouser.

-Unable to fit right, stay up and terribly overpriced it's The Pant That Can't.

-Specifically designed for millennial or oughts, it’s so laid back you don't even have to wear them; the Slacker Slacks.

-A brand made of simulated snakeskin we call Venom Denim.

-Pre-worn by athletes you’ve never heard of it’s the Semi Pro’s Chinos.

-A pre soiled version that really puts the dung in dungarees.

Sorry about that last one, but you really should have seen it coming…

Only one Absolute Blue performance this week, Saturday at Millikens at the Port, from 5 to 10…