Absolute Blue Invitation 3/11/16 - 3/13/16

Absolute Blue Regulates

Taking inspiration from yet another television series, we decided that our true calling involved the law and its many applications. So with a renewed initiative, $19.95, a groupon and an inkjet printer we were able to secure a Certificate of Lawyering, which we assume means we can start soliciting for representation somewhat immediately. Our first foray was with the somewhat niche segment of Canine Law, but that was a disaster from the beginning, as anyone who has ever tried to explain the basic concept of a waiver to a Pekingese or tried to get a Dachshund to sign on the line which is dotted will tell you. Instead we plan on pioneering the concept of Linguistic Litigation which is not quite as dirty as is sounds. How many times have you offered up a clever word or phrase, then due to poorly written copyright laws a Corporation has gone on to bastardize, plagiarize and commercialize the concept and in the meantime generate a tidy sum for themselves. We say this must stop. Someone must stand up for the rights of the downtrodden, the uptrodden;  the retrodden or detrodden. Just as long as the upfront non-refundable consultation check clears. Between that and the 80% recovery fee we should be able to clean up. Some of our initial cases include:

-Don, speaking to his contactor after negotiating a deal to renovate his bathroom was the first to say, ‘Go ahead, make my bidet’.

-When Tom was looking at Mid American Conference schools, the recruiter assured him ‘You're in good hands with Ball State’.

-Kevin’s grandfather from the old country was named Lavin Miasov long before it became text speak.

-When researching transvestite prostitute’s behavior for a Sociology project, Skip created the phrase that later became ‘Raging Hormones’.

-While Bill was explaining why he needed a flashlight to locate coins in the sofa, he infamously quipped to ‘See the change you wish to be in the couch’.

Friday marks our return to Coconuts in Cocoa Beach from 7 to 11…

Saturday we tend to a private party, but Sunday it’s SBI from 1 to 5…