Absolute Blue Invitation 3/18/16 - 3/21/16

Absolute Blue Presidentializes

May you live in interesting times. Sir Isaac Newton may hot have had our present political situation in mind when he coined this phrase, largely regarded as apocrypha, but it certainly pertains today. Even within our own ranks partisan politics are creating havoc within The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love. Being a Trumpeter in every sense of the word, Our Donald is stumping for The Donald. Ever the chicken aficionado, Skip keeps referring to Bernie as Colonel. Tom is convinced this will be our Waterloo, or at least out Bunker Hillary. Kevin is so fed up with democratic candidates he has created the ‘Wherefore Art Thou Rubio?’ tshirts. Citing issues with Ted’s domestic policies Bill created the Refuse the Cruz campaign popular with both the unemployed hairdresser and alienated plumber segments. But all is not lost. Yet, anyway. We must keep things in perspective as history shows us Americans have not always chosen wisely:

-The aptly named 36th president was considered by some to be borderline insane and had a penchant for exposing himself to staff, truly putting the J in LBJ.

-President Fillmore, at great taxpayer expense, created the first White House ponds, not so much for reflection but for the many ducks he raised by hand, which he called Millard's Mallards.

-James Buchanan may have been the first gay President. Andrew Jackson referred to him and his ‘companion’ as Miss Nancy and Aunt Fancy.

-Our 22nd and 24th president was named after a muppet.

-William Harrison could have been saved by wearing a condom. *

-Hoover had a hydroelectric plant and a vacuum named after him. So he was the first dam president that sucked.

-The scandalous tenure of Warren ‘G Spot’ Harding ended only upon his death, possibly coming at the hands of his wife due to his many indiscretions.

-And let’s not forget Howard Taft: America’s first lardass.

* Editor’s note: While he contracted pneumonia during his inauguration it was perhaps a different kind of rubber that would have benefited him.

Join us Friday at the Tiki in Sebastian, on Indian River Blvd, just south of Main Street.

Then Saturday it’s a beautiful evening at the Port as we invade Millikens from 5 to 10…