Fan Access

Latest Buzz

No posts to display.

Absolute Blue Invitation 3/26/16 - 3/27/16

 

Absolute Blue Budgetizes

 

We remember a time when preparing for next fiscal year was a breeze. When everything from bail bonds to lap dances came under miscellaneous expenses. When bribes to local government officials and emergency room visits were considered promotional. When gambling losses and tattoos were just a part of normal operations. But with recent SEC regulations we are mandated to more closely describe the specific action taken for each particular category of expense, its relation to previous budget expenditures and a narrative explaining each. Now, if the Big 10 were in charge you know things would be different. But in the interest of transparency and because Absolute Blue Incorporated is, at least in theory, a publically held, or at least gently caressed company, something Bill tried to explain to us but kept rambling on about Trump, we hereby submit to you, our shareholders, our proposed fiscal year 2016 line item budget:

 

-Legal Services: +50%: Arrests were down, but the number of charges increased substantially, mostly due to a slight miscalculation in judgment as well as the space/time continuum.

-Personnel Development: + 100%: Yeah, well 100 times 0 is still 0.

-Liabilities: +70%: Includes economic, emotional, spiritual and developmental.

-Personal Hygiene: -10%: Due to repeated misapplication of basic supplies, such as toothpaste or deodorant, depends.

-Entertainment: -90%: Looks like we’re down to a deck of cards and a soiled Parcheesi board.

-Wardrobe: +10%: New thong underwear for all!

-Old Milwaukee Light: +10%: While overall consumption was up last year, its purgative nature resulted in a net yield flat to last year.

 

 

Please join us for an evening at the Cocoa Beach Pier this Friday from 6 to 10…

 

Then Saturday from 7 to 11 it’s our first ever performance at the Cocoa Beach Squid Lips. It is located at the old Lobster Shanty, where A1A either splits or comes together…

You have no rights to post comments

Upcoming Events

Fri Sep 29 @ 7:00PM - 11:00PM
Tiki
Fri Oct 06 @ 7:00PM - 11:00PM
Squid Lips
Sat Oct 07 @ 6:00PM - 10:00PM
Pier

Absolute Blue, Powered by Joomla!