Absolute Blue Invitation 6/24/16 - 6/25/16

Absolute Blue Threatened

We are both pleased and offended to announce that after years of careful observation and social media monitoring that the US Fish, Game and Band Management Commission has officially placed the entire band on the endangered list. This comes as no surprise to some but is important for many reasons. It allows us to apply for federal grants, ensures enhanced parking and more and better pizza coupons. But more importantly it guarantees that our ancient ways will be preserved for future generations so they can also be enlightened, frightened or most probably appalled. There is even a documentary planned, tentatively titled, ‘Don’t Ever Do This’. Each member was evaluated individually and the specific details noted which we have summarized as follows:

-Skip: Carolinus Bumpkinus: Virtually extinct except in captivity; efforts to release him into the wild have been fruitless as he keeps finding his way back using a complicated trail of cigarette butts and skittles.

-Don: Hornitrumpen Katistrophus: Presumably could rebound, but chances are poor for any cross breeding due to his excessive fart noises and being exceedingly ticklish.

-Kevin: Hornislidus Inanoutus: Eradication could have devastating effect on estuary and oceanic ecosystems, as this particular subspecies has held numerous populations of fish in check for many years.

-Bill: Hittendem Drumsalotus: Primary reason for endangerment is depletion of habitat; the decided lack of Ranch housing for conservative NRA card carriers.

-Tom: Instantaneous Agitatus: Condition of endangerment predicated on lack of resources primarily due to jaeger shortage and the absence of Mc Rib from the value menu.

Join us for our singular engagement this week at Tiki Bar in Sebastian, just south of Main St on Indian River Blvd…