Absolute Blue Invitation 3/10/17 - 3/12/17

Absolute Blue Jests

We at Absolute Blue are fortunate that our founding fathers had the foresight to plan for a number of different contingencies related to operations and performance, contained in the appropriately titled Farticles of Confederation. These cover such topics as Don’s wardrobe, Tom’s hygiene and Bill’s political ramblings, which have all been subjects of punitive measures in the past.  But also included in our charter is a provision for dealing with ‘jokes’. There is specific protocol regarding these as part of the Absolute Blue bylaws. Or transgender laws. Whatever. As a result, each ‘joke’ is evaluated on its own merit and is therefore held accountable. And should a ‘joke’ go ‘bad’, there is due process to maintain the standard by which the organization has become known for, with the end goal being public safety. And should the ‘joke’ be found to be distasteful or out of line with the human condition, the resulting judgment can range from a simple time out to capital punishment. Each member in good standing can bring charges against said ‘joke’ and in turn will need to answer for the pain and suffering caused. For example we have the following in various stages of the judicial process:

-All This Time In Maine And Never Got To Bangher: Guilty, awaiting sentencing.

-How’s Your Sex Life, I’m Holding My Own: Currently out on bond, held over for trial.

-She’s Already Got Maracas: Released early on good behavior, however most likely a repeat offender.

-Dyslexic Guy Walks Into A Bra: Charges dismissed as mistrial was declared when it did not meet ‘joke’ standards.

-Agnostic Dyslexic Guy Doubts Existence Of Dog: Theological precedence notwithstanding, we don’t even get it.

-Chunks: Currently serving a life sentence with no possibility of parole.  

This weekend it’s another doubleheader at Keith’s Oyster Bar at Cocoa Beach Pier from 6 to 10 Friday and Saturday.