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Absolute Blue Invitation 11/16/17 - 11/19/17

 

Absolute Blue Responds

 

Give the recent number of allegations hitting mainstream media, we knew it was just a matter of time before someone came forward, referencing one of many possible transgressions over the past 20 years. But we will not sit or stand for it. In anticipation of these claims we have assembled our team of crack lawyers, sure to put together an airtight defense of any unsubstantiated, unfounded or completely true charges. Because if it is truly a jury of our peers they should have no problem convincing them that the earth is flat, global warming is a myth and dogs cannot look up. So sure enough we have heard from legal counsel for a series of imaginary, nonexistent or mythical creatures, claiming intimidation, bullying or simply asking why you gotta be so mean. After weeding out the more ludicrous of these, including our perceived influence on international politics, our collective role in approving the GOP tax bill and which Kardashian we’ve knocked up, we find ourselves faced with the following, much more troubling issues:

 

-During a performance to benefit a new nonprofit that offers fried potatoes for used dolls, called Tots for Toys, where Pinocchio made an appearance, he felt he was treated. Because, you know, he’s wood.

-We politely asked Tennessee Tuxedo to leave after he crashed the Easter Seals gig, then got accused of racism. Ok, well maybe speciesism.

-Billy Goat Gruff took exception to the fact his children were not allowed into the Kids Without Christmas show.

-Shawshank inmates collectively filed a complaint against our Relay for Lifers fund raiser.

-Elmer Fudd went public with his protest against our Salivation Army citing insensitivity to excessive droolers.

-Mermaids worldwide accused us of fat shaming for our Habitat for Huge Manatees project.

 

 

A huge weekend begins Thursday at The Avenue in Viera, in the square conveniently located next to House of Beer from 5:30 to 8:30…

 

Then Friday we return to Siggy’s in Palm Bay from 9:30 to 1:30…

 

Saturday is a wedding, but Sunday it’s the last SBI of the year, from 1 to 5…

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