Absolute Blue Invitation 1/05/18 - 1/06/18

Absolute Blue Revolutions

Welcome and congratulations on making it through another holiday season! Like you, this is the time of year we stop and take stock, collectively and individually, to determine how we can bring you a more engaging experience and once again vow to not drink any more. Or any less. And ask ourselves, are we really satisfied being the Below Average White Band? What simple changes can we make to live up to our potential? We have determined that much of this is how we approach the product. So beginning in 2018, we will no longer be learning songs, but rather provide you with Happy Accidents for your ears. Think of it as the musical equivalent of hand sanitizer. But more importantly we will offer a virtual smorgasbord of songs for our listeners with special needs. We plan a complete vegan line as well as gluten free music. There’s Halal and Kosher components for our friends on both sides of Gaza. Also Ketogenic tunes, Vegan selections and Soy based music for the lactose intolerant. Future plans include Macrobiotic, Probiotic, Antibiotic, Nonbiotic, Disbiotic and Transbiotic as well. But that’s not all. We also present to you our individually sanctioned New Year Revolutions:

-Skip will turn to academia and graduate from the University of Mixology with a major in Jaeger and a minor in cider, where he will introduce his newest creation, The Strangled Donkey, a powerful purgative popular with the kids.

-Don will revolve to adopt a healthier lifestyle and promises to be 5 pounds lighter when you next see him, undoubtedly due to him performing barefoot and without a belt.

-Bill revolves to further his beloved Republican agenda and vows to get the wall built, this time between Satellite and Indian Harbor Beach.

-Kevin turns to philanthropy this year and while Meals on Wheels has denied him a position based on his spotty driving record, he has opted for Plates on Skates. And should that fall through there’s always Fishes on Dishes or Fryers on Tires.

-Tom revolves to get serious about his portfolio, leveraging his investments in vintage porn and used marital aids against strip club futures and high yield hooker bonds. With the goal of driving up S&P through S&M.

Join us for a Friday night at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…

Then Saturday it’s back to Millikens at the Port from 5 to 10…