Absolute Blue Invitation 2/02/18 - 2/04/18

Absolute Blue Laments

This week we come to you with heavy hearts, our faith in mankind perhaps irrevocably shattered. As we live in an enlightened time, with the wisdom of the ages available at the click of a finger, a vast repository of theological, historical and scientific knowledge available for use wherever we go. The masters of literature accessible with a few keystrokes. An unprecedented array of cultural insight at our disposal and what is it used for? To remind people not to eat Tide Pods. Yes, with untold resources available to us we need to remind each other not to consume toxic cleaning products. And besides, they taste terrible. So what else hath the internet wrought? Lest we forget:

-Ice Bucket Challenge: At least this had a purpose. However many participants failed to take into consideration the considerable mass and/or density of water in its liquid form, leading to many injuries.

-Cinnamon Challenge: Pointless. Embarrassing for all concerned. You have to question the individual that willingly participates in an activity that guarantees vomiting if not serious lung damage. Fortunately the activity is currently illegal due to the 2017 Herb and Spice Protection Act.

-Mannequin Challenge: Yes. Exactly what we need. More millennials standing around doing nothing.

-Planking: Only a seasoned performer would have the ability to combine the subtle nuances and aesthetic properties to replicate a stationary piece of wood. Nailed it.

-Tebowing: For those of us old enough to have lived through this absurd part of our history, this pays tribute to the former Heisman winner. Sadly, probably his most enduring legacy.

Join us this Friday at Siggy’s in Palm Bay from 9:30 to 1:30…

Then Sunday, 2 to 7 at Millikens at the Port…