Absolute Blue Invitation 7/13/12 - 7/15/12

Absolute Blue Gets Efficient

The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love has taken a cue from many Fortune 500 companies and partnered with ruthless efficiency architect Dr. Rutherford T. D'Onutter of the D'Onutter Institute to analyze our organization. The goal is to identify assets and personnel resources, then reorganize to make optimal use of both. The first step is to have each member of the team reapply for their position, noting specific skill sets and experience that may identify them as being eligible for an alternate position, more in line with their talents and career goals. For example, Kevin’s leadership expertise may warrant a management position or Bill’s desire to be a pastry chef may finally be realized. So each band member was asked to submit their resume and hope for the best. Unfortunately, what we found was a severe lack of composition skills, nonexistent punctuation and grammar that can only be described as unsettling, not to mention the consistent departures from the truth. To wit:

Don’s academic record came under scrutiny when listing his numerous degrees from Karl’s Kommunity Kollege, especially when he misspelled PhD.

Skip’s work history raised some eyebrows when claiming to be CFO of several companies until we found that the F stands for Flatulence.

Kevin took extensive liberties with the resume format, adding a separate section called Libido, listing all conquests by gender and species.

Bill’s military history was called into question when his official title was listed as Benevolent Despot. His Bolshevist Medal turned out to be just that.

But the most dubious was when Tom turned in several blank sheets of paper, proving again that either he has yet to master the fax machine, put the paper in the printer upside down again or is simply too cheap to buy toner.

As we wait for the results of our findings, take this opportunity to perhaps see the current lineup for the last time before the hammer falls this weekend, first at Lou’s Blues this Friday from 9:30 to 1:30...

Saturday it's a special Satellite Beach performance at the Bamboo Lounge at Seabreeze Steakhouse (formerly Foreman's Steakhouse) from 6 to 10... There'll be two for one specials on Chicago and Skynyrd so be sure not to miss this homecoming. We've got some surprises in store for you..

Then Sunday it's Coconuts in Cocoa Beach, 2 to 6...