Absolute Blue Invitation 1/25/13 - 1/26/13

Absolute Blue Reveals

With respect to the recent controversies surrounding sports figures, we feel obliged to offer some insight that can only come from The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love. And with all due respect to Lance, telling us you never use juiced is like Absolute Blue saying they don’t like beer. But as far as hoaxes go, our Corporate headquarters were so concerned that they dispatched a team of lawyers to ensure the validity of all subsidiary/parent communications and guarantee their stature as an upstanding organization, but mostly to cover their collective asses, which is a substantial amount of real estate. Through a series of investigations, surreptitious surveillance and clandestine scrutiny we have discovered the following revelations. Shocking as they may seem, we feel it’s best to disclose this today instead of it being twittered tomorrow:

For seven years Bill has been walking a dog that does not exist. The leash used is also brought into question.

Tom has been paying on a fictitious mortgage for 15 years. Turns out the Bank was also imaginary.

While Don maintains he has been playing the trumpet for 31 years, it’s really been 32.

Through the years Kevin’s fish have only been ‘caught’ from the other side of the counter at Publix.

Skip has been playing nothing but air guitar for 21 years.

So there you have it, we’ve finally come clean. But as my cousin’s husband, or cousband, keeps telling me, never pass up a perfectly good opportunity to shut the hell up…

This weekend it’s not your imagination, it’s Absolute Blue at The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 6 to 10…

Then Saturday at the Tiki Bar in Sebastian, just south of Main Street on the river from 7 to 11…