Absolute Blue Invitation 2/22/13 - 2/24/13

Absolute Blue Probed

We are sad to announce that The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love has once again been cited for improprieties. In this case, an unnamed source has accused the band of excessively ethical conduct. The person spoke on conditions of anonymity due to the allegations not being released pubically and the fact that it’s embarrassing enough to be associated with the band. Absolute Blue Inc. has not issued an official statement but its governing body, the Brevard Association of Singers, Trapeze Artists, Republicans, Democrats and Scientologists has determined that the allegations are serious enough to warrant investigation or at least put down the remote for a minute. Several others are named in the allegations, including a poodle groomer, two exotic dancers both named ‘Density’ and a user Hyundai salesman, but only Absolute Blue is facing charges under BASTARDS rule 10.101.20.14. Among the individual charges:

According to reports, Bill was excessively honest when asked, does this make my butt look big.

When being told a dirty joke that Kevin heard before, he abruptly stopped them.

Skip disclosed decidedly personal details on his prostrate and showed an inappropriate appendectomy scar when asked how he was doing.

When told to have a good day, Don did just that.

We are still waiting on the few and extremely suspect reports of Tom ever being honest.

Sanctions can include corporal punishment of the privates, confiscation of our collectively earned NRA certification or in the most egregious of cases, revocation of alcohol rights. In response, a band representative criticized the organization for being far too polite and having an overabundance of civility that borders on reverence. The BASTARDS are still trying to figure out what the hell that means…

We have been granted permission to perform while we appeal these findings which is good news considering a big weekend begins Friday at The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 6 to 10…

Then Saturday it’s the Tiki Bar in Sebastian, just south of Main Street on the river from 7 to 11…

And we wrap things up with a Sunday afternoon at the Sandbar in Cocoa Beach just north of 520 on the beach, from 4 to 8…