Absolute Blue Invitation 10/18/13 - 10/20/13

Absolute Blue’s 1ZA

It turns out that our position as the official band of the first zombie apocalypse was not, as we thought, honorary, except for some very specific tax breaks. We unfortunately have squandered most of the stipend on beer and lottery tickets and sold the commemorative memorabilia on eBay. We have also been summoned before the Joint Subcommittee on Massage Services, Celebrity Affairs and Zombie Management as well as the Secretary of the Interior Decorator for our negligence in submitting a formal plan for fiscal 2014. To avoid penalties, fees and incarceration, we have quickly put together a poorly constructed and ill-conceived strategy, the same approach we use in our music, to deal with this impending disaster. The below steps illustrate our multi stage proposal, which calls for unilaterally unsound policies as well as an unprecedented tax burden on the public, but in the name of national security if not global security, we need a clear and actionable plan in place. Unfortunately this ain’t it:

-Create the ‘No Undead Left Behind’ educational initiative.

-Develop a process for translating all official English documents, including textbooks, fortune cookies and street signs, into a series of grunts and clicks, intelligible by the non-living.

-Establish an extensive dental and vision plan under Ozombicare, provided they actually have teeth and eyes, respectively.

-Create additional medical coverage for zombies that can prove they were killed within the US or any trust territories. 

-Provide a path to citizenship for undocumented zombies, once they curb their appetite for other citizens.

-Petition the FDA to create a new food pyramid, consisting of internal organs, brains and living flesh.

We have solicited funding for the aforementioned from GOP coffers, assuming that the brain dead and soulless will eventually become Republicans…

This weekend catch The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love at the Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant Saturday from 6 to 10…

Then Sunday at SBI from 2 to 6…