Absolute Blue Invitation 7/26/13 - 7/27/13

Absolute Blue Nobilizes

And so ends another baby watch, this time culminating in a former commoner producing a future king, and not too shabbily considering there must have been a fair amount of pressure. And as we wonder at the ridiculousness of it all, we must realize that the British, ever proficient at the art of distraction, have succeeded in turning attention away from a country in turmoil to a natality scene, at least temporarily. That being said, there may be other ways we could benefit by adopting some techniques and strategies used by the Britons, as they been fairly successful in having a coup free if not democracy free commonwealth for a number of years. Case in point, the Royal Family itself. There is some sound strategy behind having one family responsible for the leadership of a country (as long as it’s not the Kardashians). Consider the millions of dollars that are spent on elections every four years. That money could be much better spent on more practical applications, such as bribes and payoffs. And it produces another potential revenue stream, the ability to purchase, at considerable expense, a title of your own. Local legislative coffers would runneth over as well to do citizens become Counts, Barons or Lords, resulting in a true exercise in feudility. Replacing city councils, neighborhood watch and PTA’s would be a system of nobility, such as the Earl of Brunswick Lanes upon Sarno or the Duke of Palmshoreshire, that would dole out swift if not brutal justice in response to local conflicts. Of course The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love would be knighted, perhaps daily, into the Order of the Jaeger…

And as we wait for an answer of our proposed municipal changes, we bring you a Friday night at Malabar Mo’s from 6 to 10…

Then Saturday at Neptune in Satellite Beach (formerly The Cove) from 9 to 1…

Absolute Blue Invitation 7/19/13 - 7/21/13

Absolute Blue Premeditates

We’re right there with you. After all the testimony, evidence and deliberation we find ourselves faced with the unthinkable. We’ve watched the trail unfold with great interest through jury selection, opening statements and closing arguments, secure in the knowledge that the truth would come out but now stand in amazement, wondering just what went wrong. Is this a case of just another criminal going free or are we to really believe that justice was served? Yes, after 20 years we’re still not over OJ…

And on a related note, Attorney General Holder blasts Stand Your Ground, Senator Stander blasts Hold Your Ground, while the Pope supports Higher Ground, Global Slackers support Stand Around, Allstate supports Safe and Sound and Kevin supports a Basset Hound…

On an unrelated note, The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love has taken a fancy to the jury naming conventions and will heretofore refer to Don as B3, Skip as N6, Kevin as G2, Bill as O4 and Tom as I7, partially out of respect to the commitment and dedication that these jurors showed, but mostly to make it easier at Bingo…

This weekend we serve up yet another full weekend of festivities, beginning with a brand new venue for us: Tapps Pub in Palm Bay, in the Publix Shopping Plaza at the corner of Palm Bay Road and Babcock Street. Join us from 9:30 to 1:30 Friday for all the music you never thought you’d have to hear…

Then Saturday it’s back to The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 6 to 10…

And we finish things up with a Sunday afternoon at SBI, rain or shine, from 2 to 6…

We’re right there with you. After all the testimony, evidence and deliberation we find ourselves faced with the unthinkable. We’ve watched the trail unfold with great interest through jury selection, opening statements and closing arguments, secure in the knowledge that the truth would come out but now stand in amazement, wondering just what went wrong. Is this a case of just another criminal going free or are we to really believe that justice was served? Yes, after 20 years we’re still not over OJ…

And on a related note, Attorney General Holder blasts Stand Your Ground, Senator Stander blasts Hold Your Ground, while the Pope supports Higher Ground, Global Slackers support Stand Around, Allstate supports Safe and Sound and Kevin supports a Basset Hound…

On an unrelated note, The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love has taken a fancy to the jury naming conventions and will heretofore refer to Don as B3, Skip as N6, Kevin as G2, Bill as O4 and Tom as I7, partially out of respect to the commitment and dedication that these jurors showed, but mostly to make it easier at Bingo…

This weekend we serve up yet another full weekend of festivities, beginning with a brand new venue for us: Tapps Pub in Palm Bay, in the Publix Shopping Plaza at thecorner of Palm Bay Road and Babcock Street. Join us from 9:30 to 1:30 Friday for all the music you never thought you’d have to hear…

Then Saturday it’s back to The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 6 to 10…

And we finish things up with a Sunday afternoon at SBI, rain or shine, from 2 to 6…

Absolute Blue Invitation 7/12/13 - 7/14/13

Absolute Blue Spies

Not to be excluded from any past or present, real or imagined controversy, The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love has again been implicated, this time in a surveillance scandal. Documents obtained by several news agencies, Paula Dean and PETA have implied that the organization participated in the compilation and analysis of personal information from a number of different sources, including pizza coupon redemption data, shoe size approximations and crude oil consumption habits, some say to gain an unfair advantage over competitors, vendors or creditors. The simple truth is that since the collection of this data there has not been a single music related tragedy. Coincidence? We think not. In fact we are convinced that our vigilance has prevented numerous incidents of auditory extremism or at least help keep our collective cholesterol levels in check. In the meantime we have officially submitted our application for asylum to the City of Indian Harbor Beach and await approval or any related extradition from a nearby Starbucks. For proof of our information gathering we offer the following:

One Absolute Blue member has made over 5000 prank phone calls to local and state officials warning of an imminent zombie infestation caused by tainted 7-11 frozen burritos.

Another has some 4 dozen outstanding parking tickets under the pseudonym of Baron Van Kilderblaster and has tried unsuccessfully to obtain a passport under that moniker.

Yet another has voted along party lines consistently since 1987, assuming is imprudence considered a party.

When he’s not playing music this member has developed a penchant for late night infomercials and has purchased over $5K worth of shamwows and snuggies.

And another has developed such a fixation on Greta Von Susteren that she has filed restraining orders against him in 10 different countries and as many languages.

OK, so maybe we should have spied on more than ourselves, but that would have required removing oneself from the couch and some actual effort…

This weekend bring us back to Lou’s Blues Friday night from 9:30 to 1:30…

Then Saturday it’s a party at Siggy’s in Palm Bay from 9:00 to 1…

And Sunday we hit Cocoa Beach again, performing at the Sandbar, at the end of 520, from 4 to 8…