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Absolute Blue Invitation 7/29/16 - 7/30/16
Absolute Blue Pokes
In response to recent developments in the gaming industry, the newly formed Gaming and Sedentary Activities division of Absolute Blue Inc has announced its inaugural product. Based on the new sensation that is sweeping the globe, we are pleased to bring to you Pokedon GO. We sneak into your house and hide our trumpet player in such places as the linen closet and dishwasher. The fun begins when looking for Don, then finding him in the most unusual places. Once found he can be captured by hurling balls at him with extra points given for nailing him in the head and double points for a groin shot (Caution: upon waiting for hours or days to be found there may be some cleanup required for your Pokedon, depends). Once caught he can be yours forever (not recommended) or can be traded for a variety of items such as a paper clip or bendable straw. With enough XP you can even evolve your Pokedon to a higher level character, the Donosaur, and have him do battle against other bands to prove who is Pokedon master. But this it only the beginning. Other Pokedon characters are planned:
Skipachu: Land based: Mostly found in rural locations: Most damage done through Facebook or other social media outlets.
Kevuna: Water based: Mostly found in schools: Can only be captured by using the Mary Kay ball (no chain).
Billiwag: Grass based: Mostly found watching Bill O’Reilly: Highly politically charged: Most damage done during next election.
Thomos: Jaeger based: Mostly found on floors and barstools and most probably rabid. Most damage done to itself.
Join us this Friday at the Tiki in Sebastian from 7 to 11…
Then Saturday it’s back to Siggy’s in Palm Bat from 9:30 to 1:30…
Absolute Blue Invitation 7/22/16 - 7/24/16
Absolute Blue Analyzes
Our recently encountered time off provided ample opportunity for reflection and contemplation regarding our respective place in Gestaltist theory or Wundt structuralism. We have come to the conclusion that the innate consciousness of the Absolute Blue collective represents a substantially different generation of whole forms independent of the deconstructive elements of its inherent parts. Therefore, it’s true that Absolute Blue has the same hopes and dreams as any other band. In his spare time Kevin is a freelance toll taker fulfilling his dream of populating a small enclosed area and having people throw money at him. Don is completing an interpretive dance routine based on the life of Hacksaw Jim Duggan. While heartbroken that he was not chosen as a running mate, due to his extensive campaign donations Bill is even now making plans to become the first ever Associate Deputy Undersecretary at Large for the Department of Lawn Maintenance, Hedge Trimming and Tree Pruning for President Trump’s second term. Skip learned that Pokemon did not necessarily refer to his Jamaican proctologist. And Tom stayed out of jail. And while these are only long term goals, one need only look at the achievements during our recent hiatus to see we are on track:
-Kevin expanded his culinary offerings by creating new liquor and cheese combinations beginning with the much heralded Havarti and Bacardi.
-Don bought a Radio Flyer in an attempt to create a true band wagon.
-Skip completed his training in mortuary sciences, which turned out to be a huge undertaking.
-Tom created a new Chinese dish for extreme eaters that he calls the SuperHunan.
-Bill patented a virulent form of mold that goes by the name of Billdew. Which is also the name of his project list.
Join us for a triumphant return to action at Monkey Bar in Indialantic, across from Paradise Beach from 9:30 to 1:30 Friday…
Saturday it’s a return to Keith’s Oyster Bar at Cocoa Beach Pier from 6 to 10…
Sunday please join us for a special event at Millikens at the Port. It’s the United We Stand benefit for Orlando victims. It starts at 2:00 with Cover Story and ends with us at 7:00. Make sure you get out to support this great cause…
Absolute Blue Invitation 7/01/16 - 7/03/16
Absolute Blue Leaves
Those Europe guys! First it was the Luxembourg referendum, then the Icelandic edict and now this. Still, one must marvel at the efficiency of British politics. It took just a matter of hours to renege on an array of campaign promises, where it takes us 4, or in some cases 8, years. It has inspired us to form our own party, complete with empty rhetoric and outright lies. Something we call Blexit, which calls for our removal from the musicians union. Sure, we’re not technically ‘musicians’ and what we play isn’t actually considered ‘music’, we still have had it with the tyranny of having our rights protected and the oppressive guaranteed wages. We long to have the freedom to be exploited and abused, as so many have before us. It is with this in mind that we outline our party platform:
-We will control our borders: no more random musicians invading the band and partaking of our warm Old Milwaukee Light with one hand and the other in the tip jar. Except for Rene. Rene’s cool.
-We will use the funds previously allocated for union dues and fully fund and staff a Hospital for the Musically Insane, provided we are eligible for early admission.
-We will take back our economy, assuming there is an ongoing market for mediocre music played mediocrely by a bunch of old farts.
-We will still have the right to fair trade with other bands for goods and services with jaeger and twizzlers still being the currency of choice.
-We will have our own Donald ramble on about offensive and illogical topics full of overt unsubstantiations, pretty much like any other weekend.
-Strippers. Strippers for all.
It is imperatively critical that you join us this Sunday, from 6 to 10 at Keith’s Oyster Bar at Cocoa Beach Pier, as this will be our last performance before taking some well needed vacation…
NOTE: Please see http://www.spacecoastlive.com/calendar/band/000043 for our schedule. We are having problems with the AB calendar here...
Absolute Blue Invitation 6/24/16 - 6/25/16
Absolute Blue Threatened
We are both pleased and offended to announce that after years of careful observation and social media monitoring that the US Fish, Game and Band Management Commission has officially placed the entire band on the endangered list. This comes as no surprise to some but is important for many reasons. It allows us to apply for federal grants, ensures enhanced parking and more and better pizza coupons. But more importantly it guarantees that our ancient ways will be preserved for future generations so they can also be enlightened, frightened or most probably appalled. There is even a documentary planned, tentatively titled, ‘Don’t Ever Do This’. Each member was evaluated individually and the specific details noted which we have summarized as follows:
-Skip: Carolinus Bumpkinus: Virtually extinct except in captivity; efforts to release him into the wild have been fruitless as he keeps finding his way back using a complicated trail of cigarette butts and skittles.
-Don: Hornitrumpen Katistrophus: Presumably could rebound, but chances are poor for any cross breeding due to his excessive fart noises and being exceedingly ticklish.
-Kevin: Hornislidus Inanoutus: Eradication could have devastating effect on estuary and oceanic ecosystems, as this particular subspecies has held numerous populations of fish in check for many years.
-Bill: Hittendem Drumsalotus: Primary reason for endangerment is depletion of habitat; the decided lack of Ranch housing for conservative NRA card carriers.
-Tom: Instantaneous Agitatus: Condition of endangerment predicated on lack of resources primarily due to jaeger shortage and the absence of Mc Rib from the value menu.
Join us for our singular engagement this week at Tiki Bar in Sebastian, just south of Main St on Indian River Blvd…