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Absolute Blue Invitation 3/07/14 - 3/09/14
Absolute Blue’s Nostrovia
We at Absolute Blue strongly support the effort that our good friend and esteemed Russian president in his effort to subdue a people who have selfishly rebelled against the country that has provided for them. After all, who would fight against all odds against a country that they came from in exchange for a few simple liberties and taxation with representation? I mean Crimea river already, because… oh, wait…
We at Absolute Blue strongly oppose the strong handed efforts made against the peace-loving Ukrainian people by the war mongering Russian president. I mean all they are really seeking is to break free of the oppressive Soviet apparel and gain the freedom to accessorize. We do, however, take issue with the fact that they have torn down a statue of Lennon in the Kyiv town square, as we would have picked McCartney. And things are so bad in Russia already that the former heavyweight, Vitali Klitschko, is running for president in a showdown they are calling ‘Putin on the Klitsch’. This would be akin to having a slim grillin’ George Foreman running for the US presidency. And he has like 17 sons all named George, which sound like a conspiracy right there, or at least potential tax fraud. So let’s all remember that in Soviet Russia Chuck Norris still kicks your ass…
This Friday we entertain the comrades at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…
And Saturday we’re back at The Old Fish House in Grant from 6 to 10…
Absolute Blue Invitation 2/28/14 - 3/02/14
Absolute Blue’s FAQ
Throughout the years we have been asked a variety of questions and through painstaking research and spellchecking we have compiled the most common of these into one document. Please feel free to print the following or twitter it or whatever the kids are doing nowadays.
How long has the band been around? Absolute Blue was formed over 20 years ago, however the current lineup has been in place for 15 years, save for a virtual revolving door guitarist position in which one was literally caught.
What type of music do you play? We play a variety of old, older and much older music. Some of which your grandparents danced to.
Any political leanings? The band is decidedly republican, ranging from Bill, who’s so far to the right he’s anti NASCAR, to Don, who is inspired by the hotness of Greta Von Susteren, to Tom, who is a fan of Colbert’s ties, to Skip, who gets his political ideology from the guy in Lizard Lick Towing.
Does Don always dress like that? Yes. He has personally requisitioned several Asian sweatshops to produce shirts with a record number of flowers, palm trees and/or beer mugs per square inch, which has yet to be verified by Guinness. The beer.
How can I log a complaint against Absolute Blue? Please remember to categorize your complaint (physical, emotion or spiritual) and have it notarized in the country, state and/or provincial territory that has jurisdiction for the event in question. Please remember that these are evaluated on a first come first served basis and current wait time is approximately several years.
What’s with that smell? Yeah, well, try breathing through your nose until you get used to it. And you will.
Only one Absolute Blue performance this week, Sunday from 4 to 7 at the Melbourne Elk’s lodge, 211 S Nieman Ave. It’s open to the public and it’s Eli’s birthday, so get on down to the Lodge for a great time for a great cause. Did I mention they have cheap drinks?
Special Tuesday Notice
We are pleased to announce that the Elks Lodge of Melbourne has graciously opened their doors to us for a special performance this Sunday from 4 to 7. As you know, the Elks are a philanthropic organization that does outstanding work for children’s and veteran’s charities. And they have cheap drinks. So join us for this event, open to the public, and meet Eli, the head Elk (literally). The Lodge is at 211 S. Nieman Ave, in between US1 and 192, just west of the Clerk of Courts, in case you have a traffic ticket or support payment to take care of. Come on down to help out a great cause with some great people and fairly decent music…
Absolute Blue Invitation 2/21/13 - 2/23/13
Absolutin’ Putin
Now that the Olympics are in full swing it’s time to pay tribute to the Olympic athletes. All except Vladimir Jusnotgudonov, the Soviet skater. There were allegations that he wasn’t even from Russia, but further research proved that he was redder than Bob Costas’ eyes. So far the event has been a personal show put on by the Russian premier, which he hopes to carry on the tradition into the summer Olympics where we will see the Russian archers shootin’ for Putin and the golfers puttin’ for Putin. He even opened up a Sochi country and western venue so you can do some boot scootin’ with Putin. And while the Jamaican Bobsled team gets much of the attention, what about the Nambian curling or Malinese hockey team, three poor souls who were disqualified for absconding with pieces of ice, which they planned to sell in their native black market. Some say it’s a convergence of magnetic fields, some say it’s due to Chernobyl fallout, others say an asteroid crashed nearby millions of years ago, but whatever the reason there are no homosexuals in Sochi. Course their homes are ill furnished and they can’t dance for shit. Yep, no gays and no stray dogs. Coincidence? I don’t think so…
Friday we’ll be at the Tiki Bar in Sebastian, on Indian River just south of Main Street from 7 to 11…
Saturday we move the party to Cocoa Beach from 9 to 1 at The Sand Bar, located at the end of 520…
Sunday marks our return to SBI, from 1 to 5…
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