Absolute Blue Invitation 11/02/18 - 11/03/18

Absolute Blue Sugarcedes

It’s that spooky time of year in which children dress up to gather together and travel door to door, gathering entitlements from unsuspecting neighbors. It’s also one of the most important consumer holidays with gross sales surpassing Arbor Day, Yom Kippur and National Poetry Day combined. As much of this is due to confectionery purchases, we have developed a line of products sure to appease or appall. Initial product testing was ambivalent towards our Bee Gee’s inspired confection, Maurice’s Pieces, and our Simpson’s themed D’oh Henry, but was still much better than our line of women’s products, such as Feminems, Chick-o-stick and JLo Pez. Or the infectiously good Staffy Taffy. All potential litigation aside, we undauntedly searched for the next big thing by asking each member of The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love, formerly known as the 5 Buskateers, to design a product specifically tailored to their own personal quirks, idiosyncrasies and/or peculiarities. The result:

-Skipples: Fear the rainbow.

-Hot Tomales: Just like our bass player it combines natural, artificial and non existent ingredients.

-Billky Way: The ultimate apologetic confection. Being tried for murder? Caught embezzling company funds? Cheating on your taxes? Sorry, I was eating a Billky Way.

-Kevinheads: Our trombone player has created a product so sour that he has been called a bad mother pucker.

-Donkin Don-uts: America runs over them.

Only one Absolute Blue performance this weekend, Saturday at Sandbar, at the end of 520 in Cocoa Beach, from 9 to 1…

Absolute Blue Invitation 10/26/18 - 10/27/18

Absolute Blue Reflects

During our recent time off we were given ample opportunity to review and evaluate past correspondence and we have come to some startling conclusions. The inconsistency and inanity of said posts has prompted further research to determine an underlying cause. So I called 1.800.THE.RAPY and was connected to the next available ‘licensed’ therapist. For $5.99 a minute I was successfully purged of childhood trauma such as the following:

Parent: Did you see the orange dog in the yard?

Me: Umm, what?

Parent: He looked so sad.

Me: Umm, how?

Parent: I think he was a melon collie.

And:

Parent: Did you see those cows this morning?

Me: No.

Parent: They are planning something.

Me: I mean, no. Please. Don’t.

Parent: It could be cattle clysmic.

As a result, I contacted 1.800.SU.EVRY1 and was connect to the first available ‘licensed’ attorney. Current pending action cites mental duress, loss of habitat, emotional anguish, loss of wages, fear of commitment, demonstrative disillusionment and intellectual repression over the course of many years. However due to what has been referred to as limited cognitive capacity, this has been relegated to small claims court.

Anyways, check us out at Keith’s Oyster Bar at the fabulous Cocoa Beach Pier this Friday and Saturday from 6 to 10….

Absolute Blue Invitation - 10/05/18 - 10/06/18

Absolute Blue Collectisizes

They are in! It is finally time for market recognition of the long awaited Absolute Blue Action Figures! Make no mistake people, these are NOT toys! These are extremely limited, highly coveted collectibles, designed to be a critical part of your investment plan, virtually guaranteed to substantially increase in value, provided the product stays in its hermetically sealed packaging, ensuring that the herms are kept out, or kept in, I never could figure that one out. Each one specifically designed to represent a member of The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love metaphorically, figuratively or emblematically. Several toy companies have been after us for many years to authorize a new series of toys design to entertain as well as offend and we finally pulled the trigger and said, “Come at me Hasbro.” Could be hand crafted by local artisans, but mostly raided from an old dumpster behind Toys ‘R Us. See if you can guess who inspired which of our latest creations:

A. Lower GI Joe: Forget about Kung Fu Grip, this one’s got Eff You Flip, with a completely extendible middle finger.

B. The Kavenger: Special edition, complete with an appointment to the Satellite Beach Beautification Board, only to be hit with decades old allegations of littering. Fun for the whole family!

C. GI Josephine: Putting the Trans in Transformers, it changes from Bruce to Caitlyn in three simple steps.

D: Iron Deficiency Man: It’s really just a Ken doll that had its arms broken so it could hold a cigarette.

E. Tickle Me Kevin: No. Just don’t.

Make plans to join us this weekend as we take the next couple weekends off for travel and whatnot. Mostly not.

We start things off with a Friday night at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11..

Then it’s Saturday in St Cloud at Brews ‘N Blues, on Pennsylvania Ave just off 192 from 7:30 to 11:30…

A.Tom B.Bill C.Don D.Skip E.Kevin