Absolute Blue Invitation 5/24/19 - 5/25/19

Absolute Blue Assemblizes

2019 Court Mandated Absolute Blue Annual Shareholder Meeting Minutes

7:55 Sneak past security into Satellite Beach City Hall council chambers

8:00 Call to order. Bill asks recording secretary for a round of beers thinking she is a waitress.

8:03 Don moves to add his rap version of America the Beautiful to the set list. No second. Just bewilderment.

8:05 Kevin moves to incorporate his newfound passion for yodeling into the performance. Unanimously vetoed.

8:07 Bill pleads for shots of jaeger for the board, then orders Domino’s.

8:08 Tom proposes shorter sets or long bathroom breaks, depends. Motion ignored.

8:10 Skip recommends that all rehearsals be clothing optional. Motion passes without opposition.

8:12 Awkward silence.

8:15 Bill reaches for a bottle of hand sanitizer.

8:21 Further discussions tabled until pizza arrives.

8:25 Police intervene.

8:26 Chaos.

8:35 Potential charges explained.

8:37-12:00 Timeout.

Join us for a Friday night at Sunset Waterfront Grill in Cocoa Beach, on 520 just west of A1A, from 5 to 10...

Then Saturday it's Malabar Mo’s from 6 to 10…

Absolute Blue Invitation 5/03/19 - 5/05/19

Absolute Blue Botanizes

Just as the Absolute Blue division of Research and Development completed their findings on essential oils, which turn out to be suntan, crisco and 10W40, we find that trends are changing and now the emphasis is on botanicals. So there’s juniper in gin, coriander in skin care lotion and St. John’s wort in breakfast cereal. It’s hard to give up our carnivorous lifestyle but we’ll do anything at this point to stay relevant. And considering how much we’re willing to play requests we’re sure to put the hor in horticulture. As we understand it, to unlock the power of the flower you must believe in the leaves, salute the roots, put the petal to the metal and heed the seed, lest ye be pistil whipped. And to capitalize on this growing craze we plan a line of imitation plants we call fauxtanicals, including:

-Skip developed a vine he calls the North Carolina creeper that is so pervasive and virulent it may require a restraining order.         

-Don went directly against USDA regulations to create a flowering bush he calls the Verboten Croton.

-Bill bought contaminated lab equipment on eBay when he tried to create a new strain of American Beauty and wound up with the first trichinosis roses.

-Tom had so many problems with his perennial hybrid he put the ‘be gone’ in begonias.

-Kevin’s foray into synthesizing common flowering plants led to the development of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Buttercups.

Join us for a Friday at Gator’s Dockside, formerly Millikens Reef, at Port Canaveral from 6 to 10…

Then Sunday it’s back to Sandbar in Cocoa Beach at the end of 520 from 4 to 8…

Absolute Blue Invitation 4/27/19 - 4/28/19

Absolute Blue Trafficizes

It’s our God given right. Most probably guaranteed in the Constitution, possibly in an amendment or preamble or postamble or such. The right to drive. The right to the open road. The right to freedom as far as the mostly adequately maintained interstate system, somewhat less maintained highways or completely ignored local roads can take us. The right to buy overpriced vehicles assembled by overly unionized Americans or underutilized foreign nationals. The right to purchase overpriced insurance from Florence of Albania that makes it so easy even Bill can do it. To buy overpriced fossil fuels from areas that would normally be our sworn enemies. I’m looking at you South Dakota. And while the nuances of road rage have been widely documented by the Russians and the Lutherans, we bring you the following as a guide to other traffic related etiquette:

-Friending: The little known but oft-practiced art of discovering a car currently traveling 20 miles under the speed limit, then pulling up beside them and beginning a relationship, sometimes backing up traffic for miles. I personally have met 2 of my ex-wives and my lawyer this way.

-Merging: The process by which a vehicle comes to a complete stop on a freeway or expressway, unable to manage the concept of a car attempting to enter said interstate.  Complete with wild gesticulations in an attempt to convey something similar to “Infidel! You dare not to trespass into my personal Roadway!”

-Tailgating: The mechanics of this are fairly straightforward, however the underlying strategy can be more complicated. Some choose to target specific makes or models, others the little stick figures in the window, but for our purposes it never hurts to focus on a Trump bumper sticker.

-Creeping: The absolutely maddening practice where the car in front of you stops short at a red light. Then moves up a little. Then a little more. Then a little more. I mean, just stop and commit already! Justifiable grounds for autocide or grievous vehicular damage.

-Turn Signals: Nope.

Join us for a Saturday night at the Tiki Bar in Sebastian, on Indian River just south on Main Street, from 7 to 11…

Then Sunday it’s the Crab Stop, in Sebastian on Indian River just north of Main Street, from 2 to 6…