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Absolute Blue Invitation 12/13/13 - 12/14/13
Absolute Blue Drafts
Many times we are asked, “How did you guys ever get together?” That and “What is that smell?” But there was actually much thought and many years of strategizing that went into building what we now know as The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love. For example, did you know that Billy was heavily recruited in High School and that the original plan was to upgrade and draft Mark Glisson if he was available, then rent Tom out to such bands as Greg and Brian and Tom, or Tommyshack. But as fate would have it Mark went early in the first round and Billy was chosen, after sweetening the deal with future draft beer picks. Bill was redshirted his first year, then granted franchise player status which created some salary cap issues, but that’s the kind of gambling that has paid off for Absolute Blue in the past. Also, did you know:
Don was a highly regarded recruit from Syracuse until allegations of sexual improprieties came to light. But by the time the guy dropped the charges the damage had already been done. We picked him up for a $20 and some cherry pez.
Kevin developed his chops in the Navy and bypassed the traditional recruiting process. Negotiations had come to a standstill until we dangled Don in front of him. But not like that.
Tom was another hot prospect out of Eastern Michigan University and could have had his choice of bands until he failed his mandatory physical, which consisted of little more than remaining conscious for 8 hours. He signed on to avoid being drafted by Gina Crute and Tasty.
We waited many years for Skip to become available, negotiating with many different established organizations such as PETA, Professional Bartending School, Roto Rooter and the North Carolina Penal System. But not like that.
And there you have it. So please show some respect for our founding fathers. Or mothers. Or mother fathers.
Join us for the only performance this weekend at Squid Lips from 7 to 11…
And make sure you mark you calendars for our party at the Melbourne Elks Sunday, January 5, 2014. This is a benefit and your way to start the New Year off by helping others and having a good time. For tickets call 501.2591. Make plans to make a difference!
Absolute Blue Invitation 12/06/13 - 12/08/13
Absolute Blue Catches Fire
A hush fell over the audience as a hand reached into the oversized bowl filled with applicant's names. We all knew what was at stake. And when Don's name was read aloud we gasped at the horror that awaited him. He was Satellite Beach's tribute in the first annual Hungry Games and we watched as he disappeared into the holding tank fully aware of the exercise and lack of beer that awaited him. We knew that we may never see him, or at least all of him, ever again. The chant of The Odds Are Really Not That Bad rang out, but provided little solace for the tributes, who wholly realized their days of donuts and mochachino lattes were over.
We silently raised a single finger gesture to illustrate our opinion of the games and sometimes of Don himself. We would watch the proceedings religiously, whenever football wasn't on, seeing him diet beyond control, battling adversaries such as Cholesterol, Hypertension and Triglycerides. And just when he had seemingly vanquished his foes, the game keepers announced yet another twist and introduced new forces working against him: Gravity and Good Taste. Unable to continue, he inexplicably produced a Boston Cream Pie with ice cream and sprinkles. The entire stadium went silent as he cut a piece and served it up with a nice cappuccino. Suddenly a siren went off and Don was declared the winner without even consuming a single calorie.
A thinly veiled political allegory set in a dystopian future society? Nah, it's the new Jenny Craig program...
Join us for our last full weekend of the year, beginning Friday at the Tiki Bar in Sebastian, on Indian River Drive, just south of Main Street from 7 to 11...
Then it's back to Cocoa Beach with a Saturday night at Sandbar, just east of 520, from 9 to 1...
And Sunday it's Malabar Mo's from 3 to 7...
Absolute Blue Invitation 11/29/13 - 11/30/13
Absolute Blue’s Roots
Curious about the origins of the organization, Absolute Blue has consulted with leading scientists to piece together the evolution of the band, as God knows no one in the band remembers. Using state of the art forensic techniques and by carbon dating bits of broken beer bottles and discarded underwear, we have created a highly suspect and mostly improbably timeline. Considered opinion, conventional wisdom and Monday morning quarterbacking have broken this down into three epic epochs:
Promagnon: The humble beginnings of the band featured a variety of instrumentation, including harmonicas, oboes and the occasional juggler as they searched for the perfect combination of musical alacrity and promotional savvy that would propel them to superstardom or at least get them a Friday night gig.
Preanderthal: After dabbling in other alloys, The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love discovered brass and formed the lineup that continues to this day. Coincidentally, among the relics of this era are the last remaining shreds of decency, the last known bits of what could be dignity (DNA tests are pending) and slivers of what might someday be considered self-respect.
Heterosapien: The last era is punctuated with its multiple respondents in the guitarist position, all of which had to be put down at some point. The curious thing is that one name keeps repeating, like the lone kitten that somehow made it out of the bag at the bottom of the river. And before you say anything, they were asking for it. The kittens too.
Join us for a post feast celebration at Coconuts Friday from 7 to 11…
Then Saturday at The Old Fish House in Grant from 6 to 10…
Absolute Blue Invitation 11/22/13 - 11/23/13
Absolute Blue’s Substitution
Tom’s out today so I’m going to write this week’s invitation. I mean, how hard can it be?
So how’s it going? How bout that Toronto mayor? I know, right?
And those Kardashians.
Did you see Dancing With the Stars last night? Sweet.
So we’re about done. No?
Let’s see.. Didja hear about the dyslexic guy that walked into the bra?
Or the agnostic dyslexic that doubted the existence of Dog?
Or the Jamaican proctologist? We call him Pokemon.
Or the Epicurean transvestite that liked to eat, drink and be Mary?
So that about does it, doesn’t it? Damn.
And ‘selfie’ is Oxford dictionaries’ word of the year. But what makes a selfie? Does the photo have to be most of you, a certain percentage, or does intent play a role? If I take a have my finger on the lens, is that a selfie? Does it have to be recognizable? Please get back to us on that.
Ok, this has been fun. We’ve just about reached our minimum number of words.
Can you smell that? Good.
Whew. What a pain in the ass.
This Friday catch us at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…
Then Saturday at Neptune in Satellite Beach (formerly the Cove) from 9 to 1…