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Absolute Blue Invitation 12/07/18 - 12/08/18

Absolute Blue Surveils


We are watching with great interest what is happening even as we speak at the border as migrants are growing frustrated with the slow asylum process and reports are that some have attempted to escape capture and scale a fence to breach the border. But our biggest fear is that this is simply a diversion and because we as an organization are well versed in international relations as well as celebrity gossip, our Absolute Blue Intelligence Report has indicated that on yet another border there is in fact another caravan, this one a silver Dodge carrying several refugees seeking sanctuary from Canada’s repressive socialized heath care and tyrannically polite regime. Unconfirmed reports state that this group includes an out of work Tupperware salesman, a highly suspicious former waitress, a poorly trained magician, a crusty juggler, a colicky infant and a troubled teenager that refuses to do chores. Their intentions remain unknown but their group has reported links to Tim Horton’s and perhaps even a nearby Hooters. A Fish and Wildlife officer is currently holding them at bay with a dozen glazed donuts until reinforcements arrive. We will continue to monitor their movements with the entire arsenal of The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love’s cutting edge technology, up to but not including our newly designed drone, which is really just a generic brand disposable camera duct taped to a Mylar balloon from Publix…


Anyways, join us for our last public appearance of the year Friday at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…


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