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Absolute Blue Invitation 3/15/19 - 3/17/19

Absolute Blue Gastronomes


Now that the Absolute Blue Division of Culinary Science, The Worst Food You’ll Ever Love,  is out of receivership, most related litigation has been settled and we have been granted court-approved protection from creditors, we can continue our epicurean endeavors. Most of the furor stemmed from the response to our latest road to table cuisine which was dubbed CrocoTacos, which bore more resemblance to the footwear than the indigenous reptile, after we found discount ‘Krocodile’ meat on the internet. DNA tests proved that it was equal parts unidentifiable rodent, wheat germ distillate and polyurethane. We were almost out of the woods when our more ethnic entry came to market, JapanCakes. Customers, later known as victims, found that these passed, gastronomically speaking, so quickly they really put the temp in tempura. Combined with a culturally insensitive marketing campaign the product was doomed from the beginning. We remain undeterred, unrelenting and undeniably irresponsible. This is why, against the advice of legal counsel, we proudly announce the following:


-ShishSkipbab: A North Carolinian delicacy, it’s actually just pieces of random roadkill and boiled turnips on a twig.

-Tominy Grits: The perfect way to start your authentic Southern breakfast. Cornmeal, butter and arrogance.

-Billy Cheesesteak: A coupla Steak-Umms and a conservative amount of provolone makes this the perfect dish for the Republican in your life.

-Kevilled Eggs: Start with an egg. Then put it away and get some fish.

-DonDue: Don. Don’t.


Join us for the only public performance this Friday at Tiki Bar in Sebastian, on Indian River Blvd, just south of Main Street from 7 to 11…

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