Absolute Blue Invitation 6/15/12 - 6/16/12

Absolute Blue's Thirst Games

In a dystopian future, North America has collapsed and given birth to the totalitarian nation of CanAmMex, and in a crushing blow to the proletariat, alcohol has suddenly been banned. After years of strife, President Bieber has declared the owning, selling or vomiting of alcohol to be forbidden (Amendment 57 was passed in 2027, allowing foreigners to be elected to the nation’s highest post, even Barack Obama). This did not sit well with the frequently inebriated populace and a series of uprisings began. First came the Whiskey Wars, then the Rum Rebellion, the Scotch Sedition followed by the Drambuie Defiance. After crushing these and more with astonishing brutality, Bieber and his minions have succeeded in creating an impressively oppressive nation of temperate if not overly polite citizenry. As punishment for these misdemeanors and to unite the nation, each year one band from each of CanAmMex’s twelve districts is selected by lottery to participate in The Thirst Games. Part entertainment, part brutal retribution for the past rebellion, the bands selected play a Parcheesi tournament to the death, broadcast over the internet and sponsored by Nike. Winners are lavished with vegan Spam and non-alcoholic sparkling cider, the losers are not. And as our story begins, The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love is waiting for this year’s selection, wondering if they’ll be picked, knowing they will be going up against younger, stronger and better looking bands...

Sound farfetched? Hardly, and given our current preoccupation with cupcakes and Kardashians it's more than inevitable. And if the threat of constant sobriety isn’t frightening enough, take one or more of the following chances to imbibe with friends, family and cocktails...

Friday night join us at Lou's Blues from 9:30 to 1:30...

Then Saturday at The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 6 to 10...

Absolute Blue Invitation 6/08/12 - 6/09/12

Absolute Blue’s Reviews

In keeping with Absolute Blue’s tradition of operating on the bleeding edge of technology, our drummer has put a unique twist on a well-known internet concept and created billyslist.com, where his customers can log reviews concerning any of the variety of services provided by his thriving business, Yearty’s Yards. It’s a unique and innovative way to produce immediate content, generate awareness and promote positive publicity universally and economically. It’s part of Bill’s multichannel sales and marketing strategies that include begging, pleading and sometimes intimidation both through the inner and outer net. Some samples gathered for the new website:

Joanne17: He may smell like fertilizer, but my landscaping is gorgeous!
Gopchief: Mows like the truly great Republican he is.
Idamae1942: I turned him from a lawn boy into a lawn man.
Mrsjohnson2: Very knowledgeable concerning care and maintenance of plants and shrubs but always seems to leave with one sock.
Irena702: My yard never looked better but my liquor is gone and my dog is pregnant.

We feel this is a solid foundation that can be built upon to provide the consumer an honest portrayal of what to expect from Yearty’s Yards. Other future enhancements include a ‘Fertilize Me’ app, interactive gardening chat and automated weed analysis…

Saturday we attend to a private function, so only one chance this week to partake in the intrinsic insanity of The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love. Join us from 7 to 11 Friday at Squid Lips in Melbourne…

Absolute Blue Invitation 6/01/12 - 6/02/12

Absolute Blue Goes Pale

After researching the contemporary novel that is generating such controversy, we have found a similar but completely different adaptation in Fifty Shades of Pale: Anglo Contributions to North American Culture. And while it doesn’t offer the titillating adventures of such Mommy Porn, it does give a unique insight as to the importance of the Anglory both historically and chronologically. After several Google searches, and a failed Bing, we found that there were more than the invention of the ice cream scoop, soap operas and breast implants attributed to the legacy of these trans-Germanic tribes. Among them:

Golf: A long walk wasted.

Deforestation: The efficient means by which once fertile land is rendered barren.

The Manhattan: A perfect bland of vermouth, bitters and whiskey for the nervous executive.

Partisan Politics: A proud tradition that continues to this day.

Muzak: Extracting the soul from music since 1934.

Although it's hard to believe that neither Justin Bieber or Spam made this list, we can still see how culturally adrift we would be if it were not for the influence of these innovative if somewhat bland forefathers...
 
Friday finds us back at Neptune in Satellite Beach (formerly The Cove) for an evening you won't soon forget from 9 to 1...

Then Saturday from 6 to 10 at The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in beautiful downtown Grant...