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Absolute Blue Invitation 5/04/13 - 5/05/13
Absolute Blue’s Combine
Unbeknownst to the casual observer, there is a little known process by which musicians are selected to replace aging or incarcerated band members from popular bands. This is the reason behind the ongoing success of Aerosmith, Bon Jovi and Tony Bennett. The process is similar to the draft, where musicians are brought together, evaluated, then selected by a series of bands that are at risk of being irrelevant or at least incontinent. This year, The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love has joined the fray, however with mixed results:
Skip was selected in the 10th overall round by Mild Cherry after posting an impressive 10.8 40 oz.
Don had problems with the academic requirements, scoring higher than the maximum, however still went in the 15th round to the Ozark Mountain Conservatives.
Bill failed the breathalyzer but still secure a 6th round selection with the Below Average White Band.
Kevin impressed scouts by benching 36 beers, until it was discovered that most were empty, which explained his slurred speech and constant assertion that he was, in fact, ‘Jake…from State Farm’ when asked about his 4th round selection.
Unfortunately these picks are for the most part ornamental as the draftees seldom play, get paid or even acknowledged by the organization, except for that Journey singer guy…
Saturday we’re back to Palm Bay with a performance at Siggy’s from 9:30 to 1:00…
And Sunday it’s finally here: the big Cinco party at Cantina Dos Amigo’s in Indialantic from 6 to 10. Join us for a bodaciously good time no matter what side of the Rio you’re from…
Absolute Blue Invitation 4/25/13 - 4/28/13
Absolute Blue Honors
It’s that time of year again and we don’t mean Yom Kippur, Cinco deMayo or National Karoake Week. It’s time for paying tribute to those who have given so much for us. And no, it’s not the Kardashians this time. This week marks the annual All Veteran's Reunion at Wickham Park. Starting this Thursday and going through Sunday is your opportunity to take part in a tradition featuring music, vendors, military ceremonies and the moving wall, which is exactly that. Proceeds benefit a number of veterans organizations and in all the years we’ve participated they have yet to run out of beer. Absolute Blue will be taking the stage Thursday from 9-10:30 pm so make sure you get down and show your support….
We’d also like to take this opportunity to share with you another veterans organization we support, the Wounded Warrior Project, whose simple mission is to honor and empower those wounded in service to their country. They provide outstanding programs to offer support for those wounded in combat and there are many ways you can help. For more information go to http://www.woundedwarriorproject.org/...
Apart from our Thursday night performance, there are two other opportunities to partake in the anarchy that is The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love this weekend. Saturday finds us at The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 6 to 10…
Then we return to Coconuts in Cocoa Beach from 2 to 6 Sunday…
Absolute Blue Invitation 4/20/13 - 4/21/13
Absolute Blue’s QA
We at Absolute Blue are committed to producing a quality listening experience. We use only the finest ingredients to produce what is sometimes largely enjoyable music. For example, Kevin uses a solid metal slidey thing that is well lubricated with a secret formula that is only available over the internet or at Las Vegas sex shops. Don has a smaller instrument, but compensates by gesturing wildly with his right hand in an effort to produce many and varied tones capable of neutering or at least annoying pets. Skip has been known to play both guitar and keyboard at the same time, which is normally only seen at circus sideshows. Bill uses sticks made of Norwegian Mahogany and are the largest commercially available, in an effort to produce the purest rhythms possible while beating various percussion components mercilessly. And Tom really means well. Alone, these are singularly impressive efforts. Together it’s an unparalleled exercise in mediocrity…
This weekend we return to Neptune in Satellite Beach (formerly The Cove) from 9 to 1 Saturday…
Then it’s Sebastian Beach Inn Sunday from 2 to 6…
Also we’d like to alert you to a couple of upcoming events:
Next Thursday, April 25, we will be at the main stage at the All Veterans Reunion at Wickham Park from 9 to 10:30…
And we will be performing at the big Cinco deMayo party at Cantina Dos Amigos in Indialantic from 6 to 10…
Absolute Blue Invitation 4/12/13 - 4/13/13
Absolute Blue Apologizes…Again
It appears as though some took issue with the wording of last week’s announcement, where we referred to Luxembourg’s culture as banal, when in fact they are a warrior people, or at least avid readers. We were also surprised to learn that our weekly notification is regularly translated into 123 Languages and dialects and has offended just as many. Therefore, we would like to offer an apology for the following countries, peoples, organizations or factions: The People’s Republic of Congo, Icelandic Fundamentalists, Trinidad and/or Tobago, bits of Uzbekistan, what’s left of USSR, what will someday be Free Lanka and the seasonal inhabitants of Antarctica, where Don has been burned in effigy and throngs in thongs have protested against us with signs reading “Screw You, Absolute Blue” which we thought quite clever and have retained the rights to use in future promotional campaigns.
We have also heard from NOW, who has cited 187 separate instanced of derogatory, inflammatory or incendiary remarks against the female species (fortunately their archives only went back 6 weeks). In response we have issued a global apology for any and all remarks made about: the late Margaret Thatcher’s booty, Janet Reno’s bust and Nancy Pelosi’s lack thereof, any female or transgendered Kardashian, as well as stripper Poles and Czechoslovakians. Even PETA and ASPCA got into the act, as apparently flatulent cows and sheep are now under their jurisdiction.
After all this, believe me we have learned our lesson. For another week at least…
Friday finds us at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…
And Saturday it’s The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 6 to 10…
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