Absolute Blue Invitation 1/15/21 - 1/16/21

Absolute Blue Investicizes

During our year end audit, we found that while revenue and overall compensation were down significantly last year, we also told 62% fewer fart jokes, made 71% fewer questionable comments and 59% less inflammatory remarks year over year, all historic lows. For the first time we were fact checked and found a typical Absolute Blue performance was comprised of 31% hypocrisy, 26% fabrications, 21% inaccuracies, 17% hyperbole, 12% embellishments and 6% misrepresentations. These will now be the baselines for our business model. But what we are lacking is a sound financial plan for the new year. One financial planner advised us to invest in upscale senior activewear or adult undergarments, depends. We tried 7 different IRA’s until we got IRA8, which really made us mad. We even tried investing in a David Lee Roth IRA but turns out that’s not a thing. Sometimes it seems that retirement is just putting new Goodyears on the old Ford. As a last resort we asked the band and believe it or not these were the best suggestions:

-On the one hand Bill often professes his distrust of technology but still wants to invest in digital assets so he proposes what he calls Hypocrypto currency.

-Unfortunately Kevin’s idea of a balanced portfolio is buying quick picks AND scratch offs.

-Don questioned why there are no investment options for pets, so he started a 401(k9).

-To capitalize on the niche market of couples that fear commitment, Skip suggests investing in Cohabitcoin.

-Tom suggested investing in Annuiteas, specially brewed in green, herbal and oolong varieties.

Please join us for a Friday night at Sunset Waterfront Grill and Bar in Cocoa Beach from 6 to 10…

Absolute Blue Invitation 12/31/20 - 1/02/21

Absolute Blue Auldlangsynizes

As we draw nearer to the close of another year, we also see the limitation period run out for much of our pending litigation. So it appears our argument for separating the entertainment timeline between PriMadonna and Post Malone will never be heard. As will our argument for punitive damages for the deliberate plagiarism of a catch phrase from the producers of Breaking Bad. So they will never claim that they never heard of Better Tweet Pete during the Democratic National Convention or Better Write Dwight during the Eisenhower administration or Better Yell for Michelle during the Obama years or Better Phone Tone during Blair’s Labour Party disputes or Better Semaphore Salvador during Dali’s Surrealist revivalist movement.

We would also like to thank you for all your support, be it in person, in word, in thought or purely hypothetical for getting us through the carnage that was this year. But no matter if you’re out and about this weekend or waiting until the time is right, we will be here for you and fully expect to be adding more dates to what will be a most excellent 2021 for us all.

An historic weekend awaits us with three opportunities to engage with The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love beginning New Year’s Eve at Kelly’s Burgers & Beer in Melbourne, 8:30 to 12:30, then Friday, 6 to 10 at Squid Lips in Melbourne and Saturday, 6 to 10 at Mainstreet in Downtown Melbourne...

Absolute Blue Invitation 12/25/20 - 12/26/20

Absolute Blue Holidicizes

Here at Absolute Blue we take our holidays seriously, as evidenced by the recent Arbor Day fiasco and since the charges are still pending and to prevent any further chaos, Bill suggested we not leave it up to Santa, as considering how this year went, he is afraid what would be left under the tree. Initially we just considered this case of claustrophobia but he may very well be right. After all, it seems we have been in a state of flux so much of the year that at this point it seems that it’s one big cluster flux. So we wrote down all our names and gift suggestions and drew from a hat, through a highly questionable process as I wound up with all names including my own. Turns out the hat was made in Venezuela under the Chavez label, which explains things. So now looks like I have to acquire the following before the 25th:

-Kevin is asking for some plastic wrap for his food products to truly achieve Sarandipity.
-Tom, after recently converting to Judaism, requests anything from the Just For Menorahs product line.
-Newly retired, Don has traveled to Antarctica and now needs an Arctic trip to be considered bipolar.
-Bill wants NFL tickets so I was able to get Jets season passes under the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Football program.
-Skip requested some low end liquor and I was fortunately able to secure a case of Whiskey In Name Only online so he can enjoy as a true WINO.

Join us for a post holiday celebration at our newest venue, Kelly’s Burgers & Beers, Saturday from 7 to 10. It’s at 650 N Wickham in Melbourne, just south of Sarno in that shopping center...