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Absolute Blue Invitation 5/23/14 - 5/24/14

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Category: Front Page News
Published on Wednesday, 21 May 2014 21:17
Written by Absolute Blue
Hits: 1429

Absolute Blue’s New Menu

 

We have consulted with dieticians, nutritional specialists and this chick from Hooters to come up with a revolutionary new concept that blends the musical and the diatetic. To start with we bring you a selection of rootin’ tootin’ gluten free music. Each note has been painstakingly examined and each glute removed resulting in a singularly non binding and pleasant musical experience. If this doesn’t appeal to you may we suggest our series of low carb selections. With you in mind we have not only included complex and simple carbohydrates, but also included the rarely seen misunderstood carbohydrates. It’s so badass it makes Jenny Craig cry.

 

Then be sure to listen to one of our low sodium songs, which may or may not cure or cause bloating, stress fractures, Kaposi’s Sarcoma, cerebral hemorrhages and/or sub zero hematomas. We have removed virtually all salt, save for the sweat on Don’s neck. 

 

Through innovative nutritional technology we have also been able to reduce the bad cholesterol, boost the good cholesterol and actually invented the very bestest cholesterol, which surprisingly tastes like red gummy bears, which has been added to each and every Absolute Blue song. So you’re guaranteed to open up your arteries when you open your ears.

 

And if that’s not enough, we offer the illogical concept of vegan songs, which feature no lyrics that pertain, in whole or part, to the torso, mammalian secretions, ovum, whiskers, tentacles or hooves of any creature with a face.

 

As always, massive amounts of MSG has been added to each Absolute Blue performance to keep them appearing amazingly lifelike.

 

 

Only one chance to partake in the caloric magnificence of The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love, so make the most of it. Join us Friday night at Kenny D’s in Palm Bay from 9 to 1. Kenny’s is located in the Kmart plaza at the corner of Palm Bay and Babcock.