Absolute Blue Invitation 5/30/14 - 6/01/14
- Details
- Category: Front Page News
- Published on Wednesday, 28 May 2014 22:10
- Written by Absolute Blue
- Hits: 1336
Congratulations!
You have been infected with the absolutebluniverse trojan horse worm spyware virus. Even as we speak our minions are searching each sector of your hard drive for naked pictures and sending them out to your entire address book, starting with your mom. And if none should be found, rest assured we are loading 500G of Bea Arthur nudies to choose from. Soon you will be twittering inflammatory posts to a host of local and national organizations which will surely add you to the watch list of Homeland Security, ASPCA as well as several local PTA’s. A Match.com profile is being created in your name, complete with enough lewd and lascivious comments to ensure a plethora of activity from both genders, maybe more. And if you already have a profile, you will in all probability be contacting yourself. Your LinkedIn profile is at this time updated with comments regarding your boss’s big butt and your browsing history is being verified against independent databases and if no adult websites are found you will obviously be held to public ridicule. Important documents are being randomly named with names such as Gramma’s Liver Recipes, Tic Tac Toe Strategies and Uwe Boll’s Filmography. Your Netflix queue is being reviewed and so you know guys, good luck explaining Say Yes to the Dress and Cupcake Wars. All cookies will be removed and replaced with a doughnut, brownie or a nice apple strudel. And when we get to your financial documents we’ll be sure to clear you cash. Don’t even think about calling Mr. Norton or Mrs. McAfee. No one can save you now, ha, ha ha…
Anyways, seriously we’re at Matt’s Casbah in downtown Melbourne this Friday from 6:30 to 9:30…
Then Saturday it’s back to the Old Fish House in Grant from 6 to 10…
And Sunday we play the grand reopening of Liars Pub in Grant, on US1 just south of Valkaria Road, from 3 to 7…