Absolute Blue Invitation 1/24/14 - 1/26/14

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Category: Front Page News

Published on Thursday, 22 January 2015 01:58

Written by Absolute Blue

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Absolute Blue’s Taxonomy

 

In an effort to avoid last year’s tax disaster, which all combined resulted in a loss of future tax credits, several hundreds of dollars in fines and a slightly used spleen, we will make full use of recent tax reform and file under the newly created status of ‘Band Filing Jointly’. For as we all know the process is more art than science, where hard facts combine with suspect conjecture and outright fabrications. Yes, the tax season creates more liars than fishing. But seems every time we talk to our accountant she solves a problem we didn't know we had in a way we don't understand and it costs us money we don’t have. So we are going it alone, as if we were mugging ourselves, which allows us to claim each other as dependents, as Skip is dependent on cigarettes, Don is dependent on fish shirts, Bill is dependent on high fructose corn syrup, Kevin is dependent on fish and Tom is dependent on, well, depends. And each member brings his own unique aspect to the old, worn out and significantly unstable table (yes, that is a metaphor):

 

-Don developed a method of calculating deductions from his home office that he now calls the Amortization Station where he has developed an appreciation for depreciation and is awaiting an exemption redemption.

-Skip finally pulled the cash from the brim of his soiled cowboy hat where it had been accumulating all year, resulting in a true gross income.

-Bill can’t decide whether to take full depreciation of his drums or depreciate it over several years. It’s a real conundrum.

-Kevin took some liberties, such using the boat as a literal tax shelter, utilizing it as not so much a loophole as a noose.

-Tom entered a number of philanthropic contributions listed simply as ‘Making it rain all up in here’.

 

And in the likely event of an audit, we have retained the best tax attorney money can buy. Ok, a small amount of money. Ok, so he’s not so much taken the bar as been behind them…

 

This weekend enjoy some tax free music at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11 Friday as we tend to a private function on Saturday…