Absolute Blue Invitation 6/11/15 - 6/13/15

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Category: Front Page News

Published on Wednesday, 10 June 2015 23:08

Written by Absolute Blue

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Absolute Blue Nips/Tucks

 

At this point we would like to set the record straight and stop all this rumor mongering, gossip mongering and monger mongering. What we do know is that Kevin is out having some ‘work done’ and good friend Rene is in the starting position on the Big Old Slidey Thing. That’s about the extent of our knowledge, other than to say upon his return it will be the same old Kevin. He called his Jamaican proctologist ‘Pokemon’. When his doctor said he wanted to see his asshole, he replied, “Ok, but he’s in Satellite Beach right now”. And when the attractive young nurse gave him the bad news that he would have to stop masturbating and he asked why, she said “Because I’m trying to examine you”. Yes, it’s all vintage Kevin, but what we have to understand is that his outward appearance may have changed. It is because of this that we have established the following guidelines to ease his transition. Please memorize the following or have a copy with you at all times:

 

-Please remember that he may have had a number of items nipped, tucked, lifted or implanted, so rather than focus on one area, try to view the work as a hole.

 

-Keep in mind that Kevin’s hairline may have changed, so do not mention the revocation of his Hair Club For Men membership.

 

-Sometimes Lasik Surgery can cause a temporary case of Lazy Eye, therefore refrain from any references to Igore, Marty Feldman or any one of a variety of Chameleon species.

 

-Should there be one, do not stare at the ‘ghetto booty’.

 

-Under no circumstances should you call him Caitlyn.

 

 

Please join the revised Absolute Blue lineup at Tracy’s in Suntree Thursday from 7:30 to 11:30. It’s just 1.5 miles north of Pineda at the corner of Wickham and St Andrew…

 

Then we have a doubleheader at the new Cocoa Beach Pier Friday and Saturday from 6 to 10 both days…