Absolute Blue Invitation 9/11/15 - 9/13/15
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- Category: Front Page News
- Published on Wednesday, 09 September 2015 19:40
- Written by Absolute Blue
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Absolute Blue Secures
Due to a number of risk factors and an increase in chatter both in social media, texts and random gossip, Absolute Blue has raised the Band Threat Level to Deafcon 4, internally known as Code Pink. Or salmon. Actually it’s more of a muted lavender. This largely confusing and ultimately meaningless action revokes standard band protocol and suspends normal operations such as paying band members and performing with any sense of integrity in a sort of musical martial law. As a result, drastic measures have been taken, such as practicing and learning new songs, while we wait to see what will come of this. Citing specific threats from fundamentalist Freemason websites specifically targeting poorly played music by old farts, we feel that we are particularly at risk. So we will take the following measures to ensure band secrets such as Tom’s recipes or Bill’s theoretical tax returns do not fall into the hands of rival bands:
-Possessing or discharging of firearms is strictly prohibited except in cases where it is not pointed at the band.
-Report and suspicious activity not being conducted by a band member to the nearest waitress or other person or peoples appearing to be a figure of any type of authority.
-After failing obedience school. Don and Kevin attended alternate training and are now bomb sniffing horn dogs so do not be alarmed when they try to get a whiff of you.
-Possession of alcohol is required and distribution of such to band members is highly encouraged.
-We will also reinstate random strip searches, however this time we will not be doing the stripping AND the searching. Skip was confused last time and wound up nakedly fondling audience members inappropriately. As if there was an appropriate way of doing that.
We return from a week off with our first ever gig at Ryan’s in Cocoa Village from 7 to 11 Friday. It’s at 4 Harrison St, at the corner of Harrison and Riveredge. You could take 520 to Riveredge. Or US1 to Stone to Harrison. Or 515 to Harrison. Or ask Siri. Whatever, just be there…
Saturday it’s Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11. You know where that is…
And Sunday it’s Malabar Mo’s, at Malabar Road and US1, from 4 to 8…