Absolute Blue Invitation 11/06/20 - 11/07/20

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Category: Front Page News

Published on Wednesday, 04 November 2020 21:12

Written by Absolute Blue

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Absolute Blue Pollarizes

 

In a desperate attempt to meet the contractual requirement of unlimited Old Milwaukee Light for life for vested band members upon retirement, we were able to secure a pre election stake using the latest wagering concept, the polfecta, which ranks the accuracy of all the major polls. By leveraging capital and equity in a number of different corporate funds, such as the Absolute Blue 401(JK), the Accidental Death By Dismemberment endowment, the Completely Mental Dental reserves, the Family Leave trust (which Skip thought was cash used to leave your family) and the Health Savings Account administered by our Mexico office (H ese), we were able to come up with $376.58 which was sent directly to a shady if not underworld Vegas gaming organization, Bets ‘R Us. We expect significant if not taxable returns on this should we be able to select the top 5 most accurate polls, in no particular order. So on our ticket:

 

1) Seminole Poll: Conducted by FSU it places Biden as the decisive winner, declaring victory with the tomahawk chop. Or first down, I could never tell.

2) Casserole Poll: Effectively operated by Cosmo reading, PTA attending suburban housewives after the dishes are done.

3) Birth Control Poll: Left leaning poll that emphasizes individual rights and if not, responsible gender reveals.

4) Rock and Roll Poll: The Nuge declares an all out Red Tide as he officially announces his ultra far right activist group, the Wang Dang Gang.

5) Coal Poll: Predicting a narrow GOP victory, signaling a blow to renewable energy but introducing some amazing stocking stuffers.

 

 

Join us or a Saturday night at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 6 to 10…