Absolute Blue Invitation 11/27/20 - 11/28/20
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- Category: Front Page News
- Published on Wednesday, 25 November 2020 20:07
- Written by Absolute Blue
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Absolute Blue Denializes
In light of recent events, we pored through documents stored in the Absolute Blue archives and found that upon being voted Entertainer of the Year for the inaugural Brevard Live Music Awards, we never conceded to the following year’s winner. And that powers such as granting pardons for egregious acts of musicality, like playing Free Bird, convening special sessions of duly appointed musical representatives, mostly to tell fart jokes and the Absolute Blue rate from State Farm were never officially transferred. So we maintain that we remain Entertainers of the Years for each year since and deem all subsequent ballots cast since as null and void. We immediately assembled a crack team of lawyers, or more appropriately a team of crack lawyers, personally inspected for any suspicious hair care products, and began litigation to reinstate our rightful position as your reigning local sovereign musical royalty. Under the advice of our attorneys, the band then filed a motion to proceed with litigation without Tom, but a judge found the allegations bassless. So under independent council we approached the more critical phases of our ballot challenges:
-Tom found ballots written in crayon that we are attempting to invalidate in a process that is being named crayolagate.
-Bill is proposing to nullify all votes due to Russian influences such as Smirnoff, Popov and Stoli.
-Kevin found evidence of emotionally dead voters casting passionless ballots for candidates they were apathetic towards.
-Skip found that the abacus the votes were tabulated on was made in China, as were the paper the votes were printed on, the ink the votes were printed with and possibly even Tom as his parents suspiciously took a trip to the Hunan province several months before he was born.
-Don, as an ardent Giants fan, joined the #StopThe Steelers group after some confusion over #BlockThemUp.
Join us for a post Thanksgiving celebration Friday at Main Street in downtown Melbourne from 6 to 10…