Absolute Blue Invitation 1/15/21 - 1/16/21

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Category: Front Page News

Published on Wednesday, 13 January 2021 21:19

Written by Absolute Blue

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Absolute Blue Investicizes

 

During our year end audit, we found that while revenue and overall compensation were down significantly last year, we also told 62% fewer fart jokes, made 71% fewer questionable comments and 59% less inflammatory remarks year over year, all historic lows. For the first time we were fact checked and found a typical Absolute Blue performance was comprised of 31% hypocrisy, 26% fabrications, 21% inaccuracies, 17% hyperbole, 12% embellishments and 6% misrepresentations. These will now be the baselines for our business model. But what we are lacking is a sound financial plan for the new year. One financial planner advised us to invest in upscale senior activewear or adult undergarments, depends. We tried 7 different IRA’s until we got IRA8, which really made us mad. We even tried investing in a David Lee Roth IRA but turns out that’s not a thing. Sometimes it seems that retirement is just putting new Goodyears on the old Ford. As a last resort we asked the band and believe it or not these were the best suggestions:

 

-On the one hand Bill often professes his distrust of technology but still wants to invest in digital assets so he proposes what he calls Hypocrypto currency.

-Unfortunately Kevin’s idea of a balanced portfolio is buying quick picks AND scratch offs.

-Don questioned why there are no investment options for pets, so he started a 401(k9).

-To capitalize on the niche market of couples that fear commitment, Skip suggests investing in Cohabitcoin.

-Tom suggested investing in Annuiteas, specially brewed in green, herbal and oolong varieties.

 

Please join us for a Friday night at Sunset Waterfront Grill and Bar in Cocoa Beach from 6 to 10…