Absolute Blue Invitation 5/28/21 - 5/31/21
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- Category: Front Page News
- Published on Wednesday, 26 May 2021 20:11
- Written by Absolute Blue
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Absolute Blue Grammarizes
Creating this post is not easy. There are many considerations, rules and guidelines to follow. And as any horn player will tell you, the Chicago Manual Of Style is the indispensable reference for usage and grammar that is globally accepted. But for the rest of us these are simply archaic and outmoded standards that have no relevance to our current communication needs. So in an attempt to put the heart and soul back into our very specialized message, we have developed a new program we like to call Funktuation. Designed to maintain the status quotation mark, cure irritable vowel syndrome and to be used tilde end of time. Unfortunately, the Oxford was previously copyrighted, so we began our efforts with the most Democratic of all characters, the Obama comma. This led to a series of questionable decisions that could have longstanding legal ramifications. Please peruse the following which have been developed by our crack team of linguists, or our team of crack linguists. In any case, we are sure to put the ass in asterisk.
-A character specifically to be used when video conferencing, the zumlaut.
-Another to be used only by divorced couples with children, the coparentheses.
-Due to our interest in soft core porn, we bring you the sexclamation point.
-Since we are all members of Team Jacob, we created the vampersand.
-Designed to appeal to Coen brother fans, we present the Buscemi colon.
-The one character that no one really knows how to use correctly, as sometimes it indicates possession, other times plurality and others still, contraction. We therefore bring you the impostrophy.
Join us for a big holiday weekend as we take the next week off to finally solve this Middle East problem. We start things off with a return to Sunset in Cocoa Beach, on 520 at the beautiful Indian River, Friday from 6 to 10…
Then Saturday we’re back at Kelly’s Burgers and Beers in Melbourne, on Wickham just south of Sarno, from 7 to 10…
And we celebrate the holiday the only way we know how, with a Monday afternoon at Malabar Mo’s, 4 to 8…