Absolute Blue Invitation 9/03/21 - 9/05/21
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- Category: Front Page News
- Published on Wednesday, 01 September 2021 21:56
- Written by Absolute Blue
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Day 21 of our self imposed social media ban and so far no one has noticed. We expect very soon to hear outrage from the far corners of the internet, but until such time we present to you some words of wisdom from years gone by:
Absolute Blue Vegetizes
In an effort to drain the last bit of value from our health plan this year, as well as take advantage of a Groupon, we collectively went to the doctor last week and after a cursory exam we were told the only thing that would alleviate our many and varied ailments was more roughage. So Don punched Kevin, Kevin kicked Tom, Tom slapped Skip, Skip whacked Bill and Bill smacked Don, while the doctor watched in disbelief. Turns out we just needed to get more fiber. He gave us two options, either a suppository, which we googled and, well, no. Or to eat more vegetables. This seemed much less invasive, but we didn’t want to settle for the simple joy of Bok Choy or the gender insensitive Chickpea. So we each developed our own unique recipe which represents our own personality and cultural heritage and also conforms to our own culinary program we like to call Make America Grate Again, which is sure to put the itch back in spinach:
-Pucumbers: Laced with croton oil, this potent purgative has been a staple in Kevin’s family for generations. Guaranteed to spew the stew, hurl the swirl and gag the nag.
-Okra Winfrey: Skip’s most inspiring recipe garnered rave reviews for its texture and presentation. Proudly served to all freedom loving Americans with no apologies.
-Sasquash: Based on the zucchini of mythical proportions, this seldom seen and rarely photographed dish is a favorite of Bill’s although he never remembers ever having it. Most probably more urban legend than food.
-Below Parsnips: Tom’s underachieving dish strives for mediocrity then fails miserably. Similar in experience to chewing a used damp sweat sock but without the nutritional value.
-Swiss Charred: Culinary history was made when Don mistakenly burned some of that cheese with the holes in it.
We encourage you to celebrate the Labor Day weekend with us as make a special appearance at Kelly’s Burgers & Beer in Melbourne, on Wickham just south of Sarno, Saturday from 7 to 10…
Then it’s party at Malabar Mo’s Sunday from 4 to 8…