Absolute Blue Invitation 12/10/21 - 12/11/21

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Category: Front Page News

Published on Wednesday, 08 December 2021 18:11

Written by Absolute Blue

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Absolute Blue Diversifizes

 

As our search to identify new and marginally legal revenue sources continue, we researched an effort to reduce the number of Burmese pythons in the Everglades. This involves neutralizing the progeny of the existing population by a form of snake birth control. This seems to induce sort of a reptile dysfunction, which if properly implemented could significantly decrease in number future generations of these invasive species. This program is intriguing not only for its ecological impact, but for the creation of new and potentially lucrative markets. So it seems we only need to create a need, such as reptilian anti Viagra, then develop a product and highly questionable case studies to show its effectiveness, then we become a part of Big Pharma. Or for our line of cattle products, Big Farma. Or for our Italian cheese line, Big Parma. To date we have developed placebos to address a number of mythical ailments such as:

 

-For long dormant volcanoes all over the world, Eruptile Dysfunction

-For those low lying islands susceptible to rising water levels, A Wrecked Isle Dysfunction.

-For people that just can’t shoot straight, Projectile Dysfunction.

-For those that have issues with baking, Confectile Dysfunction.

-For those individuals that spit excessively, Expectile Dysfunction.

-For those afraid of needles, Injectile Dysfunction.

-For the hoarder in your family, Collectile Dysfunction.

 

Please join us for our only public performance this week, Saturday at Mainstreet Pub in Downtown Melbourne from 6 to 10…