Absolute Blue Invitation 1/18/13 - 1/19/13

• 

Details

Category: Front Page News

Published on Wednesday, 16 January 2013 23:47

Written by Absolute Blue

Hits: 2050

Absolute Blue Naturalized

Now that details have been leaked to several of the internets, a few news agencies and Oprah, Absolute Blue would like to make a statement regarding their individual and collective nationality. While it is true that none of the members were actually born in the United States, a couple were produced in Commonwealth Protectorates or Non Self Governing Territories. When individual applications for US citizenry were denied based on local bias, pending charges and/or personal hygiene, similar applications for acceptance into Burundi, Vanuatu and Uzbekistan were subsequently rejected for even more farcical reasons including fictional references, incomplete job history and grammar. In essence, we are men without a country, guys without a nation, dudes without a place. So we then decided to pool our resources and collectively apply, which Bill agreed to after we explained that Naturalization was much more than being naked. We then submitted the following to our local USCIS registrar, this time with spellcheck on:

 

Your legal current name and address

Many and Varied

Given Name?

Given back

Relatives with current citizenship

Several step wives, a dozen or so half children and an aunt/cousin

Have you been convicted of a felony?

Today?

Have you been previously married?

Yes

How many times?

3.0 cumulative aggregate, .66 weighted average

How did these marriages end?

All in all, very badly

Have you ever been declared legally incompetent?

Legally no, Incontinent yes

Do you hold any title of nobility?

Desperate Despot, Earl of Hurl, the Discount Viscount

 

He then called security.

 

US citizens, illegal aliens and more unite at Siggy's in Palm Bay Friday from 9 to 1...

 

Then Saturday make sure to get up to Neptune Bar and Grill, formerly the Cove, in Satellite Beach from 9 to 1…