Absolute Blue Invitation 7/04/13 - 7/07/13
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- Category: Front Page News
- Published on Wednesday, 03 July 2013 16:42
- Written by Absolute Blue
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Absolute Blue Sanctioned
Absolute Blue returns after being suspended for a week for testing positive for a number of performance enhancing substances. Since this was not their first infraction, their governing body, The Organization of Musicians International Group for Operational Decency, had no choice but to take immediate and decisive action. The ruling itself is questionable, due to evidence that samples were tampered with, resulting in them being replaced with stunt urine, placed there by disgruntled former employees, gruntled present employees or numerous creditors. The simple fact that OMIGOD has indicated each member of the organization tested positive for a different substance is enough to give one pause. To wit:
Skip tested positive for Limpocet, a drug designed to counter the effects of a series of other ‘performance enhancing’ drugs as well as promoting good digestion.
Kevin’s sample was tainted with Mopissinol, an antiseptic diuretic which may or may not cause excess elimination. Depends.
Tom was found with Standstillicilin in his system, which reverses the symptoms of vertigo and clears up fungal infections.
Bill tested positive for Arythimicin, which directly affects the central nervous system, encouraging the regularity of meter as well as preventing halitosis.
Don had more than the legal limit of Idunnitol, which produces symptoms of every major pharmaceutical group and is a potent purgative.
We plan to fight these largely baseless and fundamentally unsubstantiated charges with the same incompetency we apply to our music just as soon as we retain legal counsel willing to work for free beer…
In the meantime we present a full weekend of entertainment options for you beginning with a fourth of July afternoon at Sebastian at their 4th festival from 12 to 2 at Riverview Park, just south of US1 and Sebastian Blvd…
Then Friday it’s back to Squid Lips from 7 to 11…
Saturday it’s The Old Fish House at Treasure Coast Marina in Grant from 6 to 10…
And we wrap up the holiday weekend at Coconuts from 2 to 6 on Sunday…