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Absolute Blue Invitation 9/12/14 - 9/14/14
Absolute Blue Ruminations
The recent Brevard Live Music Awards and its related revelry have caused us to reflect upon our origins, the glorious past and tentative future. When Absolute Blue was formed over 20 years ago, it was done with a single clear and meaningful purpose. Course no one remembers what the hell it was, but we have put together the following from the Absolute Blue archives, which aren’t so bad once you get used to the smell. Like archeologists sifting through the sands of an ancient and unexplained civilization, so are the rusted bottle caps and long expired 7-11 burrito wrappers of The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love. Among the pieces we’ve put together (edited to remove the references to events in which the statute of limitations may still be in affect):
-During a rigorous deep tissue massage in 1993, two words came to Tom. No, not those. It was Absolute and Blue. Putting them together formed the name that would only be marginally more palatable then Hot Gossip. No happy ending here.
-The Horn Dogs stumbled into the band one night in 1998, mistaking the stage for a nearby IHOP, and to this day are still waiting on their Belgian Waffles.
-Bill was forced to join the band in a desperate attempt to fulfill his Community Service obligations, as even then they were a 501(C) charity, for a number of reasons.
-Few people realize it but Skip was actually won in a late night Texas Holdem tournament where he unwisely doubled down on a pair of double D’s. The pot was to be split 3 ways, but lacking the energy to dismember, the other winners were bought out with an industrial strength fart machine and several hundred back issues of Hustler.
That’s as far as we got before becoming uncomfortably aware of both our inadequacies and the fact that we had run out of beer…
Join us for a Friday night at the Tiki Bar in Sebastian from 7 to 11. The Tiki is conveniently located on Indian River Blvd, just south of Main Street…
Then Saturday it’s a rare afternoon performance from 12 to 4 at Space Coast Harley at Palm Bay Road and 95 where you can take advantage of free beer (while supplies last). Yes, I said free beer…
Absolute Blue Invitation 9/05/14 - 9/06/14
Absolute Blue Patriotization
It could be the long holiday weekend. Or maybe the recent elections that remind us once again the participatory nature of American politics. Whatever the cause, we’ve taken time to reflect on just what it means to be a part of this fine country. I mean, there’s something for everyone, even the liberals. What we lack in history, culture and détente we more than make up for in fast food, reality tv and selfies. And while The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love has always been a band of true patriots, what does it mean to be a true American band? It’s more than just Don’s Early Light or Don’s Bursting In Air. It’s Absolute Blue: Band that you love, stand beside them and buy them, Beam and Sprite or bud light, which they love. And as Francis Scott Offkey once wrote:
This band is your band, this band is my band
From Grant-Valkaria, to South Merritt Island
From the redneck poorest, to the golfing lawyers
This band was made for you and me.
And who could forget:
Band that stands side by side
Where we have Bill preside
In everyway the dudes abide
Yet they say dumb things
So when you’re making your music decision this weekend, keep in mind the band that truly embraces the American spirit and all it stands for. Then come see us…
This Friday it’s back to Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…
Then Saturday it’s the Pineda Inn, on US1 just north of Pineda causeway, again from 7 to 11…
Absolute Blue Invitation 8/22/14 - 8/24/14
Absolute Blue Parties
Once created as a simple tax dodge and to deal with overzealous pollsters, it turns out that the Blue Party is a viable option in local politics and should be able to at least give the Socialists a run for their money. Tired of politics as usual? Can’t tell a Publican from a Republican? Too much Emo in Democrats? Is Green too clean? Find Libertarians to be Fibbertarians? Then Blue is the new Orange. But enough of hyperbole and rhetoric. One need only look at the facts:
-Absolute Blue will not be influenced by lobbyists or special interest groups. So long as hookers or strippers don’t unionize.
-The band is against all bad things. Unless they turn out to be good.
-No band member has ever been convicted of a second degree felony. In Ohio.
-They are fully committed to women’s rights. And lefts.
-Other bands may be in violation of yet undisclosed and fictitious laws, standards or regulations.
-Known to be fair and impartial when they’re not being fairly partial or partially fair.
So when you step up to the polls next Tuesday just cross out your least favorite Republican and write in Absolute Blue; Of the people, for the people, giving it to the people…
And in similar but totally unrelated news, we call out Bittersweet for the Tepid Tea Challenge. Yes, each member of Absolute Blue will be doused with a cup of lukewarm, unsweetened Chamomile and challenge Bittersweet to do the same in an effort to somehow benefit an as yet undetermined charity…
This Saturday we’re at Space Coast Harley for an afternoon of music and motorcycles from 1 to 5. It’s east of 95 just off Palm Bay Road…
Then Sunday it’s back to SBI from 1 to 5…
Absolute Blue Invitation 8/15/14 - 8/16/14
Absolute Blue Technologizes
In keeping with the Absolute Blue tradition of embracing cutting edge technology, we have partnered with a highly suspect but otherwise disreputable software consultant and have implemented voice recognition software. So that even as these words are written there is no manual intervention. No more hunt and peck on the obsolete keyboard, mere speech is driving this week's notification. It's making us more efficient and positively affecting our bottom line. This is but one example of the innovations that you've come to expect from The Worst Band You'll Ever Love, both on the stage and off. These kinds of efficiencies allow us to devote more time to creating the best entertainment experience possible and also come up with strategies to keep our material fresh and members out of jail. Delete last line. No, the last one. Change paragraph. Wait delete delete delete. Numb grass thing wont work for another pucker bill gates last turd mines grate…
Runs said more into just phreno gord popping ham jerk lino gets under batting kite lore requite home first lamp based whether not green! We dough same unit verk lamb ilk port have pitch kill button fever leer fat nurse kerf…
This weekend we climb our port at Cocoa Beach Pier Friday from 7 to 11…
Then Saturday get ready to frame your hosiery at Matt’s Casbah in downtown Melbourne from 6:30 to 9:30…