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Absolute Blue Invitation 11/29/13 - 11/30/13
Absolute Blue’s Roots
Curious about the origins of the organization, Absolute Blue has consulted with leading scientists to piece together the evolution of the band, as God knows no one in the band remembers. Using state of the art forensic techniques and by carbon dating bits of broken beer bottles and discarded underwear, we have created a highly suspect and mostly improbably timeline. Considered opinion, conventional wisdom and Monday morning quarterbacking have broken this down into three epic epochs:
Promagnon: The humble beginnings of the band featured a variety of instrumentation, including harmonicas, oboes and the occasional juggler as they searched for the perfect combination of musical alacrity and promotional savvy that would propel them to superstardom or at least get them a Friday night gig.
Preanderthal: After dabbling in other alloys, The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love discovered brass and formed the lineup that continues to this day. Coincidentally, among the relics of this era are the last remaining shreds of decency, the last known bits of what could be dignity (DNA tests are pending) and slivers of what might someday be considered self-respect.
Heterosapien: The last era is punctuated with its multiple respondents in the guitarist position, all of which had to be put down at some point. The curious thing is that one name keeps repeating, like the lone kitten that somehow made it out of the bag at the bottom of the river. And before you say anything, they were asking for it. The kittens too.
Join us for a post feast celebration at Coconuts Friday from 7 to 11…
Then Saturday at The Old Fish House in Grant from 6 to 10…
Absolute Blue Invitation 11/22/13 - 11/23/13
Absolute Blue’s Substitution
Tom’s out today so I’m going to write this week’s invitation. I mean, how hard can it be?
So how’s it going? How bout that Toronto mayor? I know, right?
And those Kardashians.
Did you see Dancing With the Stars last night? Sweet.
So we’re about done. No?
Let’s see.. Didja hear about the dyslexic guy that walked into the bra?
Or the agnostic dyslexic that doubted the existence of Dog?
Or the Jamaican proctologist? We call him Pokemon.
Or the Epicurean transvestite that liked to eat, drink and be Mary?
So that about does it, doesn’t it? Damn.
And ‘selfie’ is Oxford dictionaries’ word of the year. But what makes a selfie? Does the photo have to be most of you, a certain percentage, or does intent play a role? If I take a have my finger on the lens, is that a selfie? Does it have to be recognizable? Please get back to us on that.
Ok, this has been fun. We’ve just about reached our minimum number of words.
Can you smell that? Good.
Whew. What a pain in the ass.
This Friday catch us at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…
Then Saturday at Neptune in Satellite Beach (formerly the Cove) from 9 to 1…
Absolute Blue Invitation 11/15/13 - 11/17/13
Absolute Blue’s PSA
Their eyes met briefly but intensively before she quickly looked away. Biding his time he meandered to the bar and ordered another drink. As Absolute Blue stumbled into a love song he downed his beer and slammed the empty bottle on the bar. He knew the time was now. He walked directly to her table and as she smiled shyly back, asked her to dance. She said nothing but took his hand and they walked the short distance to the dance floor. He took her in his arms and they looked longingly into each other’s eyes. They swayed back and forth through a chorus and part of a verse. But uncomfortable with the silence he finally spoke.
“This song sucks,” he blurted out.
“No,” she said softly, “it’s just the way they’re playing it.”
“But he played a C# when it should have been a D!”
“Yes,” she replied knowingly.
He continued the dance for several bars, his frustration growing.
“I can’t….I just…can’t,” he said pulling away.
He turned and walked directly to his late model Camry, leaving her there love struck and alone. He drove straight home where he googled Romanian mail order brides and she continued her meth addiction, both wondering what could have been on a perfect night, with a perfect dance with a less than perfect band.
Don’t let this happen to you. Finish the dance!
This has been a public service announcement brought to you by Absolute Blue and the National Dance Council…
This weekend finds us at The Old Fish House in Grant Saturday from 6 to 10…
Then it’s our last Sunday of the year at SBI from 2 to 6…
Absolute Blue Invitation 11/01/13 - 11/02/13
Absolute Blue’s Edgarallenpoetry
Twas the night ‘fore All Hallows and all down the block
No one heard music, no hip hop, no rock
And Don with his trumpet, and I with my gear
Hoped trick or treaters would soon end up here
Then we quickly arose from our peaceful condition
We knew from the sirens to assume the position
Yo Billy, Yo Skipper, I’m here to say
We’ve had some complaints all down A1A
They’re sick of the noise, said they’ve had enough
So please turn around while I slip on the cuffs
But officer no, please hear what we’re saying
It cannot be us, we’re not even playing
You’re not playing Skynrd, not playing Chicago?
No officer, no, but we might be tomorrow
He laughed and unshackled The Worst Band he’s seen
Then told us to have us the best Halloween…
Join us at a new venue, X-cess Sports Club, Friday from 9 to 1. X-cess is on Washburn, just east of the Sarno/Eau Gallie split (671 Washburn Ave)…
Then Saturday we’re back at Squid Lips from 7 to 11…