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Absolute Blue Invitation 7/11/14 - 7/13/14
Absolute Blue Converts
It's finally here! The day we've been waiting a lifetime for, when we finally end our outdated isolationism and join the rest of the world in embracing a universal concept and standard. No, we're not renaming soccer, although that's an educated and timely guess. Of course we speak of the long awaited metric conversion, in a part goodwill gesture and part atonement for providing the world with reality tv and fast food. So now we refer to all measurements as kilo, milli or deca, which actually explains why we insist on 10 dances. Sure it will take some getting used to, like measuring our beer in hectares instead of gallons, hitting the beach at 28 degrees and reading the little numbers on your speedometer, but just think of the ease of measurement conversion, simply moving the decimal instead of using arcane, complex mathematical formulas like multiplying by 3. And sure it’ll double if not triple property, income and sales taxes but it's a small price to pay for international conformity. Just think of the illegal immigrants we can put to work changing everything from road signs to the heads up display on the B2 bomber. And we at Absolute Blue are ready to make the necessary changes. For example:
40.234 or 9.6561 to 6.4374
3.2187 Tickets to Paradise
Gimme 4.828 Steps
Summer of 111.0452
Some Kinda 1.69093 derful
It's 9.6561 O'clock Somewhere
80.467 Ways to Leave Your Lover
Anyways, we continue with our lethargy Friday night, but return with a vengeance Saturday night at the Old Fish House in Grant from 6 to 10…
And Sunday it’s back to Coconuts in Cocoa Beach from 2 to 6…
Absolute Blue Invitation 7/04/14 - 7/06/14
Absolute Blue Communicates
Recent studies have shown that good communication is really good. Communication happens when we speak to other humans, animals or sometimes lamps. Without it we would not be able to wish someone happy birthday or order tacos at the drive through. It’s so important that sometimes we take it for granted. Just imagine if every time we said ‘shoe’ we really meant table. It would perhaps cause a collapse of international markets or at least prove to be a shopping experience to remember at Payless. It is because of this that we have put together the following exercise to aid you in your quest to improve your own form of communication. Let’s get started!
1. Chicken A is at the foul line when the next chicken strikes his arm while shooting. Chicken A has been _________.
2. Jimmy took his turn in line, but when Johnny got up, he started swearing at the cashier. Jimmy is then considered the _________.
3. Player M was tackled by the next player running in the opposite direction. Player M has had an _______.
4. Mary tried unsuccessfully for years to grow mangoes. As a result her efforts have been ________.
5. June was naked again when she took her library books back because she wanted them ________.
6. The new landfill regulations gave the operator the ability to reject the initial load each day, which became known as the right of first ________.
We trust that these are helpful and look forward to assisting you in the future. In the meantime, however, please join us for a post-holiday celebration at Squid Lips in Melbourne, Saturday from 7 to 11…
Then Sunday we’re back at the Sandbar at the end of 520 in Cocoa Beach from 4 to 8…
Absolute Blue Invitation 6/20/14 - 6/22/14
Absolute Blue’s Futbol
It happens every other even year and unites us as a culture, nation and people. No, it's not election year, but I like where you're going with that. Since hockey and basketball are over and baseball isn’t quite interesting yet, this is when we once again pretend to be fans of the most popular sport on the planet besides binge drinking. And keeping in that fine tradition we turn a blind eye to the antics of its governing body that makes Madoff look like an underachiever. Yes, all your years of playing fantasy soccer will finally pay off and only add to the fervor which historically lasts 2 games into the double elimination tournament. It's the only time you will see us as a culture indulge in a sport devoid of tv timeouts, collective bargaining, mock drafts or even mascots. Time to stand in wonderment at the thrill of a 0-0 tie and realize that the yellow card is not just What's In Your Wallet. Sure, they stole the name from a true sport, you never know when the game’s over and they sure do pretend to get hurt a lot, but 46 billion people can’t be wong. And with that in mind we would like to offer some suggestions to FIFA to increase the marketability of this game we know as soccer:
-Sudden death at the end of regulation. Or for the African teams, Sudan death.
-Instant replay. As if the game could get any slower.
-Handcuffs. It's not like they're using them anyway.
-Cheerleaders. Wait, female cheerleaders.
We stand behind the US, 0-19 in World Cups, 2-0 in World Wars (except for Z)…
Friday we return to Matt’s Casbah in downtown Melbourne from 6:30 to 9:30…
Then Saturday it’s Neptune in Satellite Beach from 9 to 1…
And we wrap things up with a rain or shine performance at SBI from 1 to 5…
Absolute Blue Invitation 6/13/14 - 6/15/14
Absolute Blue Digital
In honor of National Computer Programmers Week we will be providing this week’s invitation in binary:
This Friday we return to Kenny D’s in Palm Bay from 9 to 1. Kenny’s is at the corner of Palm Bay and Babcock, in the Publix shopping center…
Then Saturday it’s back to The Old Fish House in Grant from 6 to 10…
And Sunday afternoon it’s The Sandbar in Cocoa Beach at the end of 520 from 4 to 8…