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Absolute Blue Invitation 10/21/16 - 10/22/16
Absolute Blue Sustains
We met with climatologists, environmentalists, ecologists and some Hooters girls to determine the total footprint of an Absolute Blue performance. The goal was to remain diverse and productive indefinitely while minimizing what we actually had to do. Previously we tried carbon dating, but carbon only wanted to be friends. The result was a plan for sustainability and some very tasty wings. This required us to carefully evaluate the resources required by Absolute Blue and how these are transformed, however in attempting to measure the resulting by products we found that methane collection was not only exceedingly embarrassing but highly combustible and we also wound up with 5 gallons of sweat that has been classified as toxic waste. Other ways we are becoming resource independent:
-Absolute Blue only uses locally sourced, organic, free range notes with no antibiotics, except those routinely administered to the band.
-Words used by Absolute Blue, while seemingly random at times, can be used again and replaced with synonyms from Icelandic or Slavic based languages.
-To meet our ever increasing power needs, Kevin has configured a small but exceedingly dangerous nuclear reactor out of an old toaster, a few buttons and some mayonnaise, using the beef from a 7-11 burrito as fissionable material. We should be fine as long as the duct tape holds out.
-But by far the largest consumable sourced to the band takes the form of beer. To ensure we replace what is ingested we have developed a lumberjack inspired creation called Logger Lager, a pale ale created by our drummer we call a Billsner, a German heavy beer we call Kraut Stout and that most pedestrian of ales, the ambler bock. One thing’s for sure, we put the pee in IPA.
Make sure that you make plans with us this weekend as we take the following week off for personal reflection and Zoomba classes…
Friday check us out at Malabar Mo’s from 7 to 11…
Saturday we can be found at Tiki Bar and Grill in Sebastian, on Indian River Blvd, just south of Main Street….
Absolute Blue Invitation 10/14/16 - 10/16/16
Absolute Blue Endures
It was truly a dark and stormy night. While suffering through the Weathering Heights, we put pen to paper, or thumbs to iPhone and documented what is sure to be the most inspiring homage since Frank Key hunkered down in Fort McHenry. Facing death and destruction we persevered to find that only some signs and fences had committed suicide during the proceedings. Behold the motivational outpouring of emotion:
There once was a storm we called Matthew
All channels said it’s coming at you
But a wobble was found
And it didn’t hit ground
To Cantore, Jim we say thank you
We follow a nature induced hiatus with a double shot of The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love beginning Saturday at Malabar Mo’s from 7 to 11..
Then it’s back to Sebastian Beach Inn from 1 to 5 Sunday…
Absolute Blue Invitation 9/30/16 - 10/01/16
Absolute Blue’s Leagueoftheirown
It’s that time of year when we choose our players, perform the research, set our starting lineup, then go player for player against other teams. And in a convoluted algorithm, each player is assigned a score based on performance, age and probably hygiene. The only problem is that there is no shortage of ‘experts’ that will tell you that Mathews will run for 123 yards and 2 touchdowns when his final tally consisted of 2 rushes for -5 yards. So what we really need is a league that no one even knows, much less cares, about. So we have developed what we call the Bantasy League, where musicians go head to head against their local counterparts and are evaluated not only based on merits such as playing the correct note and not falling down, but offstage behavior such as felonies, indictments, arrests (subdivided into acquittals and convictions), subpoenas and summons. Among the top draft picks:
-Skip: Has the uncanny ability to wear many hats, metaphorically and literally, from fedoras to kepis. Cons: Speaks with such a North Carolinian twang that we think he makes up words and definitely takes liberties with their meanings. Flossing techniques are questionable.
-Don: Pros: Mostly wardrobe related. Wears shirts with more flowers than most gardens and some countries. Cons: One note solos often played with the wrong note. And his new political agenda #HornLivesMatter.
-Kevin: Pros: Plays the slidey thing like no one else can. Probably because no one else does. Excels at being late. Cons: Either punctuality, timeliness or regularity, depends.
-Tom: Pros: Practically none as he plays the bass. Cons: Practically all as, again, he plays the bass.
-Bill: Pros: Shows artistic vision and unconventional improvisational skills when reciting song lyrics. Grows a great head of hair. Cons: Leans so far to the right he sometimes falls off the drum stool. That and chunks.
Join us for the only performance for The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love this weekend as we return to Coconuts in Cocoa Beach Friday 7 to 11…
Absolute Blue Invitation 9/02/16 - 9/03/16
Absolute Blue Polemicizes
We at Absolute Blue understand the furor surrounding some athletes refusing to participate in the nation anthem. But it seems like there could be a better way of making your voice heard rather than demeaning the lives of those who have and will serve this country, a country that allows them to get paid millions of dollars for playing a game. But we are no strangers to controversy. In the most famous example, after over 1000 performances of Brown Eyed Girl it got to the point that females with alternately hued eyes were seeking brown contact lenses, dark glasses and in extreme cases, retinal replacement surgery. So as per a court injunction we were forced to learn Green Eyed Lady or risk forfeiture of our union card, passport and pizza coupons. But it doesn’t end there. Next we expect to hear from rescue dogs offended by our performing Stray Cats, Boston upset at so much Chicago and Van Halen demanding we stop playing Van Morrison. Needless to say we will not be learning Fat Bottom Girls. Among the pending litigation:
-Bill to this day refuses to stand for the ultimate southern anthem Sweet Home Alabama and has been threatened with lawsuits many times but all were summarily dropped. Turns out he’s a drummer.
-John Fogerty himself was so offended with our rendition of Proud Mary that he initiated cease and desist orders against us. We have since ceased but not sure we can decyst as it’s not a tumor.
-Word spread through social media regarding Ed’s peculiar rendition of the Rolling Stone classic that apparently (We Won’t Ever Get No) Satisfaction.
-During a recent performance Skip knowingly and willingly farted during the second chorus of Mustang Sally, which raised a big stink.
-Archie, Betty and Veronica formally sanctioned the band when they found we were performing Sugar, Sugar under the influence of artificial sweeteners. Jughead, recently released on parole, again unavailable for comment.
We had a late addition to the schedule, so please join us for a Friday evening at Milliken’s Reef at Port Canaveral from 5:30 to 10…
Then Saturday it’s back to Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…