Absolute Blue Invitation 2/07/14 - 2/08/14

Absolute Blue’s Bieberbeater

Once again a pop superstar has infuriated multiple generations with their antics. This time? Leave it to Bieber. And an entire nation feels Justinfied in calling for his deportation, so he will be smearing instead of our great nation, the good name of New Foundlandiens, if there is such a thing. As many tweenagers looked on in horror and disgust to his escapades, much like most adults do to his music, we feel a bit of compassion, as there has been talk of his new release featuring more insightful lyrics, exposing a deeper Bieber and rumors that his discount clothing line, the Cheaper Bieber, is not doing so well. After all, he’s given us several songs full of syllables and the occasional palindrome, lol. So we urge you to be brave and don’t fear the Bieber, unless you are faced with that most dreaded older Justin fan, the Bieber Creeper.

The good news is that he’s from Canada, which turns out to be a completely different country than ours. So there remain many options: deportation, extradition or simply kicking his Canuck ass all the way to the border, all of which works for us. And while it is well known that The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love has been threatened with expulsion for their misdemeanors in the past, few realize that there have been individual efforts as well. For example:

-Tom faced charges after an altercation at his Alma Mater where he uttered the immortal phrase, "Don’t mace me babe", to a female campus police officer.

-Bill was caught drag racing his ’73 Pinto, however narrowly escaped felony charges when it was found that he never got above 35, but was instead held for littering after 2 quarts of oil was discovered in his wake.

-Skip was found pelting unsuspecting citizens with misidentified fruit, resulting in charges of drunk and disorganized.

-Don was found with a lifetime supply of DayQuil reportedly obtained from a non-existent game show.

-Kevin sold entertainment secrets to many foreign governments, creating a potential national security emergency of unprecedented magnitude until it was discovered that no one cared.

Anyways, we return from a vacation week ready to pelt an unwary public with a series of unfortunate notes at Squid Lips in Melbourne Friday from 7 to 11…

Then Saturday it’s a party at Neptune in Satellite Beach from 9 to 1…