Absolute Blue Invitation 2/28/14 - 3/02/14

Absolute Blue’s FAQ

Throughout the years we have been asked a variety of questions and through painstaking research and spellchecking we have compiled the most common of these into one document. Please feel free to print the following or twitter it or whatever the kids are doing nowadays.

How long has the band been around? Absolute Blue was formed over 20 years ago, however the current lineup has been in place for 15 years, save for a virtual revolving door guitarist position in which one was literally caught.

What type of music do you play? We play a variety of old, older and much older music. Some of which your grandparents danced to.

Any political leanings? The band is decidedly republican, ranging from Bill, who’s so far to the right he’s anti NASCAR, to Don, who is inspired by the hotness of Greta Von Susteren, to Tom, who is a fan of Colbert’s ties, to Skip, who gets his political ideology from the guy in Lizard Lick Towing.

Does Don always dress like that? Yes. He has personally requisitioned several Asian sweatshops to produce shirts with a record number of flowers, palm trees and/or beer mugs per square inch, which has yet to be verified by Guinness. The beer.

How can I log a complaint against Absolute Blue? Please remember to categorize your complaint (physical, emotion or spiritual) and have it notarized in the country, state and/or provincial territory that has jurisdiction for the event in question. Please remember that these are evaluated on a first come first served basis and current wait time is approximately several years.

What’s with that smell? Yeah, well, try breathing through your nose until you get used to it. And you will.

Only one Absolute Blue performance this week, Sunday from 4 to 7 at the Melbourne Elk’s lodge, 211 S Nieman Ave. It’s open to the public and it’s Eli’s birthday, so get on down to the Lodge for a great time for a great cause. Did I mention they have cheap drinks?