Absolute Blue Invitation 7/25/14 - 7/26/14

Absolute Blue Skulldruggery

Don is back with us this weekend, fresh from Analpalooza, where he sampled a number of different colonoscopies before deciding on a nice balsamic vinaigrette. But now that he is thoroughly cleansed, he's ready to trump like never before. And although we have been advised to wait until FDA approval, we would like at this time to announce the latest in the Absolute Blue Pharmaceutical line, designed to enhance quality of life as well as very possibly shortening it. Sure there are side effects, but the same can be said for one night stands and the Taco Bell drive through. There were side effects when Jefferson crossed the Delaware. When Lincoln signed the Declaration of Independence. Why, this country was founded on side effects. We had them growing up as did our fathers and their fathers before them. Hopefully our children and grandchildren will all have side effects. So while we wait for the Surgeon General to get back to us on Instagram we introduce the following products:

Skipitor: Statin. Converts bad cholesterol to good cholesterol through intimidation, fear and seduction. Part hair clippings, part rhino horn it is also the world’s first afrodisiac.

Kevitra: PDE5 inhibitor for exhibitionors. Four out of 5 doctors recommended Kevitra for their patients that didn’t know any better.

Abillify: Antipsychotic/Decongestant. Do not take Abillify if you might become pregnant or operate heavy machinery. Or if you might get pregnant by heavy machinery.

Trazadon: Antifungal. Not to be taken orally.

Tomiflu: Profungal, just to cover all the bases.?

Join us for a crazy Friday night at Matt’s Casbah in downtown Melbourne from 6:30 to 9:30…

Then Saturday it’s The Old Fish House in Grant from 6 to 10…