Absolute Blue Invitation 8/01/14 - 8/02/14

Absolute Blue Figures

Congratulations on the recent purchase of your Absolute Blue action figures! Proudly assembled in the USA and guaranteed to be 30-32% sweatshop free, this device conforms to several standards for class B electronic components, pursuant to parts 15(1.b.5) and 32(7.f.11) of the Helsinki Accords and is in all possibility FCC compliant, provided it is operated within specified and random recommendations. It also has the ability to spontaneously combust at any time and will detonate after several uses. The radiation generated from this product is well within tolerable limits however you may not want to make any threatening gestures or look it in the eye. These figures are designed to give a lifetime of worry free operation with adherence to the following guidelines. Failure to do so may void the virtually non-existent warrantee:

-Remember that this product was designed to replicate the sounds and smells of an Absolute Blue performance. Should they start sounding like The Kore or Bittersweet please contact our service desk immediately where a leading scientist will lower the musicianship to Absolute Blue levels.

-There may be times where all sounds do not appear to be from their instruments. These have been included by design and are naturally occurring. Well, maybe not natural but tolerated.

-This product has been carefully designed using the latest in nano, audio and olfactory replication technology. Just kidding, in a fight a flashlight will probably kick their ass.

-Always remember to begin with all members in their upright position. Failure to do so may result in them choking on their own vomit. Or someone else’s.

-Should one member start soloing uncontrollably please try smacking them upside the head. This will work for Kevin, however Don may require repeated applications.

-Keep out of reach of small children for a variety of reasons.

Thank you for choosing Absolute Blue! Your purchase has been able to fund a variety of Ponzi schemes and tax dodges…

This weekend brings us back to Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11 Friday…

Then it’s a party at Pineda Inn, one mile north of Pineda Causeway on US1, Saturday, again from 7 to 11…