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Absolute Blue Invitation 4/01/16 - 4/02/16


Absolute Blue Legalization


It has come to our attention that some bands do not have legal representation on retainer. This seems highly unusual as this is one of our highest budget expenditures. Perhaps they meant something else when they said we needed protection. But a quick googling shows that this may be needs driven. Looks like The Kore has no collective arrest record and The Divas barely have a parking ticket between them. We are at a loss to explain the legal harassment of The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love other than to mention the dramatic increase in Presbyterian on Presbyterian crime or the questionable practice of profiling aging, flatulent, impoverished and marginally skilled musicians for routine offenses such as corpuscular turpitude or demonstrative improbity. The band has been involved in so many legal proceedings, they now have their own actionable figures. It’s a constant game of Tort and retort. So much so that Bill’s legal briefs are Fruit of the Looms. It’s important to remember that we were the first to propose a drive through to get disputes settled that we call an arbitration station and when Don was feeling depressed about his court date he became the first despondent respondent. But enough of our accomplishments, let’s take this time to recap our guest appearances on some not so well known legal series:


-FLA Law: Don’s candy lawsuit ends in a skittle acquittal.

-Better Still, Bill: Starring our own Billy, the Perjurative Conservative.

-Criminal Mine’s: Tom tries to steal a Dyson which turns out to be a vacuum cleaner misdemeanor.

-Slaw & Odor - SUV: Skip takes a group of ex-cons to Busch Gardens for the very first Paroller Coaster.

-Criminal In Tent: Kevin’s camping show that features a Viagra lawsuit including an Erectile Dysfunction Injunction.

-Lost In Legal: Brought to you by the Absolute Blue Copyright Infringement Division, where we put the play in plagiarism.

-The Firmentation: It was his statement against mine, a kind of affidavit and Goliath.


We also put the lie in libel, the buy in bible and the try in tribal…



Join us for a Friday night at Keith’s Oyster bar at the world famous Cocoa Beach Pier from 6 to 10…


Then Saturday it’s back to Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…

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