Absolute Blue Invitation 8/19/16 - 8/21/16

Absolute Blue Olympicizes

Now that the Rio Olympics are or at least could be over, and the bacteria ridden water and rampant fires are but a distant memory, we are left alone with our thoughts. Like if monks competed in track and field we could have people chaste in the steeplechase. And if we have pole vaulting, why can’t we jump over Czechoslovakians too? If the horse runs the course twice would it be the requestrian? And if we performed with a shuttlecock it would not just be badminton it would be worse. And enough with these arcane measurements. Why can’t they use real dimensions, like feet, pounds or hectares? Instead we have to perform convoluted calculations, carry the one and come up with like the 128,325 inch race. Does anyone even know how far 10K is? Of course not. Why not call it the 94.86 gallon jump or the 127.5 joule deadlift? And since there are already plans to introduce new events at the 2024 Reykjavik summer games, such as gargling, pinterest and politics, we at Absolute Blue Inc. have suggested the following improvements designed to enhance viewer appeal, increase advertising revenue and perhaps instigate unrest:

-Discontinuing those events that have disparagingly religious overtones, such as Judo.

-Adding one for the Catholics, the Repentathlon. Where the first to confess 5 sins receives a gold medal and absolution.

-And one for the blue collar crowd: Chain Link Fencing.

-An event that combines the pageantry of the Olympic games with the thrill of competitive eating: The Fryathlon.

-Introducing the MC Hammer Throw: You can’t touch this. Nor should you want to.

-An event with a general distrust of grand theories and ideologies as well as a problematical relationship with any notion of sports: The Post Modern Pentathlon.

-The pool event where anything goes: the Kitchen Synchronized Swimming.

Friday we return to Malabar Mo’s to try again to get it right from 7 to 11…

Saturday we tend to a private function, but Sunday please make plans for a pleasant afternoon, rain or shine, at Sebastian Beach Inn, from 1 to 5…