Absolute Blue Invitation 5/26/17 - 5/26/17

 Absolute Blue Recalls

In coordination with the United States Bureau of Standards and Measurements, local Law Enforcement agencies and PETA, we have determined that there have been specific and documentable instances where The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love has not met the minimal levels of set forth in the Absolute Blue, Inc. Articles of Contradiction. This unapologetic and largely hypothetical document specifically states that the band will not unknowingly or purposefully ‘suck too bad’, along with olfactory and hygiene standards. If you or your loved ones have been present at any of the below incidents, you may be entitled to monetary compensation, emotional reimbursement or in extreme cases, a group hug. Simply call the Absolute Blue Division Of Consumer Affairs, Telekinesis and Animal Husbandry hotline at 1.800.WHO.CARES and schedule a consultation with a largely apathetic team of outsourced Customer Support professionals, comprised mostly of indigent and psychologically unstable former strippers.

-April 10, 2012: Skip first attempts to play both keyboards and guitar at the same time. This results in mass confusion among fans concerning right/left brain functions and expected compensation.

-September 21, 2009: Tom’s horrific playing causes patrons to question the state of, or what constitutes ‘music’ and how it could go so terribly wrong. On site counselors are unable to handle the influx of the emotionally stricken.

 -February 7, 2007: After a loss of motor skills, Kevin’s instrument separates, with one section landing near the audience, endangering innocent women and children unused to seeing musical instruments branded as weapons.

-December 15, 2013: Don finally takes his fashion nonsense too far. Obviously misled by a JC Penney employee, his outfit contained more than the maximum number of tropical flowers/fish allowed by law on any shirt/shorts ensemble. And those legs.

-June 30, 2016: Bill’s Republican furor leads people to believe they are at a political rally. As he has done so many times before, he signed autographs as Bill O’Reilly.

Join us for a Friday night at Coconuts in Cocoa Beach from 7 to 11, as we take next weekend off for some extreme exfoliation sessions…