Absolute Blue Invitation 7/14/17 - 7/23/17

Absolute Blue Amazes

Tired of the niceties and formality of your automated response system? Frustrated that Siri and Alexa can’t take a joke and keep alerting the authorities? Want your imaginary friend to treat you more like your bud? The Absolute Blue Inc Research and Development Division is proud to announce the Brolexa 3000. It synthesizes local colloquial speech patterns and inflections to provide a more relatable conversation for you and is guaranteed not to remind you of talking to your fifth grade math teacher. Best of all the Brolexa 3000 is designed to learn vernacular, syntax and phrasing to make interaction customized to you personally, so the flow of speech is as natural as conversing with a close friend. Take for instance a recently recorded Brolexa 3000 conversation:

Bro…

You again, bitch?

Bro, what’s the nearest nightclub?

Bitches be making it rain up in The Inner Room. What, you need a groupon, bitch?

Bro, what’s the weather?

Bitch, do I sound like Jim Cantore?

Bro, place my most recent pizza order.

Ham and pineapple from Little Ceasers? Bitch please…

Bro, what’s a joule?

A joule is the SI unit of work or energy, equal to the work done by a force of one newton when its point of application moves one meter in the direction of action of the force, equivalent to one 3600th of a watt-hour. Bitch.

Thanks, Bro…

Punk ass bitch.

Join us for this Friday night at Siggy’s in Palm Bay from 9:30 to 1:30…

Then next up is Sunday, July 24, at SBI from 1 to 5…